Thursday, February 23, 2012

I Don't Mean to Be Mean

Oh boy.

I don't know quite how to do this.  But it has been brought to my attention that there is something I should probably address and clarify up in here.  Up in "Rose Runner", whatever and whoever that is.

I feel that I have an angry job.  Many days of the week are spent "fighting" with opposing counsel, through nasty letters, phone calls, formal motions, or at a court hearing.  Many other days of the week, certain people in the office are stressed and pressed for time, which can spread a less-than-rosy mood around.

When I am out of the office and I get to be myself, I really value escaping this atmosphere.  I love not playing the game of win or lose (which is what litigation is), and I enjoy not having to craft arguments.  I do not want to spend any of my precious personal time being angry, or mean.

Now.  I have, from time to time, written "controversial" posts.  We're not talking abortion or gay marriage here (pro both, obviously...I do live in the bay area).  We're talking "here is this running related thing that I think is overrated."  This is true enough to my character -- I started this blog with the goal of being myself, expressing my thoughts, and not dumbing it down to be that awesome blogger who always talks in happy exclamations!! 

Somewhere along the way, I think some readers (some -- maybe just 3, maybe 100, I really don't know) have grown to interpret my writing style as mean.  As unkind, or presumptuous, or catty.  But there is something I need you to know.

FIRST: my brain goes 2834982 miles per second.  I literally cannot meditate for 6 seconds.  Literally. Of the millions of thoughts I have per day, about 0.0000000000000003% of them make it on the blog.  Maybe even less.  So when you read a post, you are not necessarily reading something I feel strongly about, or that I spent much time thinking about.  You're reading some off the cuff thoughts, many of which I change my mind about within the week, month, year.

Meditating in nature? No. Wrong.  Actually, I'm thinking about stuff. Lotsa stuff.

SECOND: I am a nice person.  I really am.  Somebody, vouch for me on this?  I do not hate one single blogger in this whole wide internet.  I do not dislike one single blogger.  I don't even hate Natalie Portman, despite all the grief I give her terrible movies (Blaaacckkk Swaaannnnn, Nooooooo!) I may not love certain content, and fine enough, right?  But as long as you are a good person who doesn't kill, rape, or steal (excluding stealing images from the internet, guilty here) then I totally like you.  Please, and sincerely, I want to extend a virtual hug to you as an apology if you ever think I have been unkind or unfair to you.

Loooook at that....I'm sweet! I swear!

THIRD: I am a critical person.  I am critical of certain aspects of myself, and the people that surround me.  I am critical of the movies, books, magazines, music, and food that I pay for.  I have learned that when you are critical on the internet, the tone can be interpreted by others more harshly than intended.  By making a remark of criticism, I am not trying to hurt anyone; I am just voicing those thoughts in my head.

Wine Critic

This wine gets a high score of "tastes like every other white wine I've ever had"

FOURTH: I can not change the way I write.  I am sure there will be some other "controversial" post in the future.  I just ask that you take it with a grain of salt, and if it offends you, let me know so that I can set things right.

Phew.  OK.  Is that clear? I'm sorry. I will try and tame myself a little.

I CAN be tamed

RUNNING

I have got to stop being so competitive with myself, or I'm going to keel over on the treadmill one of these days.

In an attempt to one-up myself from my last tempo treadmill run (9.27 miles in one hour), I did the following this morning:

9.39 miles in one hour (avg. pace 6:23)
1.0 incline (moved down to 0.5 incline somewhere around minute 48.  I was struggling).
Minutes:              Speed:
1-16                     9.5 (6:18 min/mile)
16-32                   9.4 (6:22 min/mile)
32-60                   9.3 (6:27 min/mile)

This was HARD hard.  My face was beet red afterwards.  My hip, as usual, locked my leg up at the 50 minute point.  But darn it, I wanted to push it harder than the week before! So I forged ahead!

I'm really hoping my future self will understand that I should not continue to reach higher...I seriously have no room for improvement right now.  9.39 miles in one hour! Cummon, that's good enough, right!? Please!?

Whatever.  I'm sure I'll somehow push it harder next week.

p.s. it's true, no one at my gym bats an eye at the fact that I am the one crazy person flying sweat in every direction, pumping the speed up and up and up.  Actually, I can't confirm this is true.  I'm usually just staring into space, and when I'm running hard, I'm too busy distracting myself in my head to notice people around me.


Are we good? Can we hug? 

Do you compete with yourself when you run, or with other people around you?

54 comments:

  1. I've always seen your blog as that of a straight shooter. Never gotten any of those other things (mean, catty, unkind, whatever) when I've read it. But then again I'm just one person...and a person who uses too many exclamation points at that...but at least I counter it with awesome photos of excited male elephants.

    And that run...whoa. Go, YOU! Incredible! Please let that be good enough until you really fix the hip...I don't want you to really fuck that thing up. Can I come over and Graston you? I'm not certified, but I know my way around a butterknife and I'm free :)

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  2. sending the hug back to you...you know you are one really interesting gal.
    I hope I will get to meet you...we are in the same state...the chance is there..right
    I bet most the comments you will get will say : dont change.
    you will see.

    9.39 miles in an hour is plenty yes.
    but you know that.
    on the machine I compete with the machine and at my gym..people compete with me and they tell me..this guy comes after his run and he will thank me...makes me laugh because I am so average!

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    Replies
    1. We will meet, and I will hug you so hard I will take some of your cute accent.

      Delete
  3. see me and Marjorie...
    we agree
    we have that thing going for us....wisdom.
    :)

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  4. Dude. I remember our itty bitty "blog fight" (when I ranted about people bitching about courses being long and you happened to have just raced on a course that might have actually been inaccurate?) and I have to say I was so happy with the way we chatted that out, and I've been a fan of your blog ever since. Don't tame yourself. You're fine. You're not mean, and you say a lot of things that other bloggers (including me, sometimes) don't have the balls to say.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww. Shelby we go way back, that cute baby blog fight was like day 4 of my blog. That post of yours is an internet mainstay by the way! I have to remind myself of it every time my Garmin lure me back into trusting it...

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  5. I don't understand why someone would correct or call you out on something on your blog. It's a BLOG. IIII am coming over to yooooour space to read what YOU have to say. If I like it, I keep reading, if I don't, I stop reading. Really not that hard.

    I do remember stopping reading your blog for a while because you had written something super vulgar about female body parts or something to do with Google search for your blog. Again...I chose to not read because I didn't want to see any more of that...but I didn't TELL YOU what to talk about or write about!
    Sigh..ok I'm done:)

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    Replies
    1. I actually wish you would have told me if I said something that bothered you! I am surprised you think the V-word is vulgar -- I certainly didn't intend for whatever I said about it to be vulgar. I think...um..."V's"...are beautiful.

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  6. I've never thought you were mean, just opinionated. I think there's a tone that running (well, more healthy living) blogs need to be super positive. I don't think that works, especially when there is room to disagree while being respectful.

    Whenever I try and run "fast" on the treadmill, I'm always scared I'll misstep and fly off.

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  7. I love your blog! It's REAL. Don't change a thing!

    Holy shit, you are fast.

    I compete with myself constantly. Others? Meh. I don't treadmill it up enough for competition, but rest assured if I did, I'd have plenty of takers in the Marine Corps gym.

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  8. Today I ran the first hour of my treadmill run at 8.27 and I was like "Ooh! only 1mph slower than RoseRunner! I am running fast today!" And then I realized I've basically already run a marathon at the pace I ran today so I decided it was not such an accomplishment after all. Anyway, you are kicking the noise out of those 60' treadmill runs -- sheesh!

    Why is your hip still hurting?! If you encounter yourself some kind of slow nasty labral tear before KO-ing your PR at whatever race distance you are tackling next, I will be sad. I want the myrtl routine to magically cure you!

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    Replies
    1. The myrtle magic is almost working -- I feel it is improving...ever so slightly...and effing work derailed my nightly routine. I'll get back on the myrtl.

      Running an hour at marathon pace SHOULD be hard -- it's a one of a kind day where you run HARD for a full 26 miles.

      Delete
  9. I read your blog because you come off as being unique, smart, and a talented runner. Sometimes I think stuff like "oh shit...she just went there...", but it's all good. So uh...continue being you, it certainly entertains me, and I think many others :). We all take on a version of ourselves online, so I don't necessarily think you'd be exactly like how you are in your life.

    And oddly, I feel like you're one of the bloggers I identify with the most with beyond you being a much more talented runner and such. So yeah...high five.

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  10. I prefer to think of you as the mean, fast kid in blogland. Stirring the internet/running pot with your pretty floral background and cute thrifted dresses.

    We can be friends, yeah?

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  11. i see it as sarcasm, which i love. Mean is never your intention. Am i right?
    YES!

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  12. For what is is worth, I don't find you mean. I find your posts to be thoughtful and honest. I like reading your posts because they seem "real" - whatever that means.

    I have done litigation, worked in a law firm and now still have a stressful job so I do understand all of that part. But, just keep writing as you do. It is great and maybe can help get you away from all that work stuff.

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  13. I will vouch for you :) as a faithful texter and blog follower and friend I will vouch for you!

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  14. This post offended me deeply. Not in the way you might think, though: I'm annoyed that a fab writer such as yourself (your profession 'shows' via your blog in the respect that you would win any debate with each and every commenter. Your points are always so well made, and your arguments almost impossible to counter) should feel the need to apologise. For anything.

    Lord knows, we need someone out there who calls out some of the stupidity in the world around us, throws the proverbial bucket of water over all of us hysterical 'running bloggers' when certain things get out of hand.

    If people are bothered by what you write, they don't have to read. Simple as that. It's a trite point, but I feel the need to make it. I have never interpreted your tone as 'mean' and to those that misconstrue what you say: truth hurts, people. Live with it.

    Never change for anyone but yourself.

    xxx

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    Replies
    1. Oh, and I compete with anyone and everyone. Including hamsters running on their wheels.

      Seriously though, I'll break myself before I'll give in. I do know when to quit where you're concerned though - no way in Hell am I even going to attempt to go as fast as you. I'll just sit back and try to pick my jaw back up off the floor. I think your current treadmill PR is quite sufficient though - don't make anything go 'ping' by going any faster until that hip is sorted.

      xxx

      Delete
  15. It's too bad you're not on Daily Mile so we could all gasp in awe about running 9.whatever miles in a hour. Oh wait, you don't need that validation, right? :)

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  16. Hellloooo RoseRunner...long time reader, have never felt an intense urge to comment until now. This is a blog...no one is twisting my arm to read it. If I didn't like the content or agree with something that was posted, I would probably exit out of Safari and go make a sandwich and not read it anymore. Problem solved.

    Ughhh this bothers me to no end, as we all know that in real life, not everyone is superduperrainbowsandunicornsandbabiesandcandyandomgrunningggg happy all the time. So why should a writer of a personal blog feel obligated to be "positive" in every single blog post?!? But, I'm a second-year law student so maybe I'm just equally as cynical/sarcastic/jaded/unenthusiastic about things in general.

    Anywayyys...rant over. Love your blog. Keep being "negative" or whatever, because it's clearly working (except for those readers who apparently shit sunshine and were offended by it).

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the support Cece...wonder if it's law school that made us jaded...or that law school attracts a certain type. A non-bubbly-rainbows-candy-superunicorns type.

      Anyway I probably should have clarified in my post -- that the defense of my "mean-ness" applies not only to my blog, but to comments I have dropped elsewhere on the internet. I'm not always rainbows in the comment sections of other blogs either, or so I've been told.

      Delete
  17. I'm more of a lurker and not a commenter on your blog but thought I'd say that I've never thought of you as mean. Honest? Yes. Direct? Yes. Sugar-coater? No. Mean? No.
    So if you want to change? Go for it - but only if it is for you. Don't do it for any one else :)

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  18. I have been reading your blog for a while, in hopes that your speediness rubs off on me if I keep read... just kidding, kinda :) I read it cause it's not a cookie cutter blog, you voice your opinion and you don't sugar coat things. I don't think you should change a thing.

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  19. I"m going to echo everyone here -- I've found you straight forward and to the point, but never mean, catty or whatever. I always look forward to your posts and get to them as soon as I notice them in my reader. As others have said -- you get to pick the content on your blog.

    9 miles in an hour is fine. It really is fine. Amazing really. And I usually just compete with myself -- not those around me and that is hard enough!.

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  20. I think that people get offended by things that strike a little spot in their heart about something that they are sensitive about. Ok let me think of an example of this, because those words seem confusing.

    Let's say you make a comment about something that you think is ridiculous/dumb/etc. It's a thought that probably a lot of other people have, but just don't care to share. It's not aimed at a certain person, rather it's just a thought. Let's say that you said you hate neon running shorts. All the people out there who wear neon running shorts would get their panties in a bunch and take it super personally.

    Therein lies the problem-- the neon running shorts work GREAT for all those other people, and they're going overboard and thinking that you're directly attacking them. If I were to read a comment of yours about how you don't like neon running shorts, I'd say to myself "well, that's OK, they just don't work for Roserunner, but I will always love my neon running shorts because I ALWAYS prefer to be seen by drivers than be hit by them, plus neon's always been my fav thing since I was a little kid, so I'm not going to start giving it up now!)

    So this rambling example was just to try to illustrate how people need to remain accountable for their own decisions and not feel crippled, angry, and personally attacked when other opinions are expressed.

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  21. I like you. Keep doing what you're doing. Never change. You're fast.

    You're welcome for the very coherent comment.

    Really, though, I always enjoy your posts, whether they're deemed controversial or mean or crazy. That's what keeps it fun. And the background of your blog has FLOWERS. Mean people don't like flowers. They just don't. Hence you are not mean.

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha, the FLOWERS! I was thinking they need to go...maybe now I need to keep them to reassure people that I don't bite...

      Delete
  22. I really don't think being critical is a bad thing. Unfortunately, I think our public discourse tends to run to the extremes of either everything is sunshine and puppy dogs or everything is hateful vitriol and critical analysis in the middle, no matter how constructive, gets seen as being in that second category because it's not sunshine and puppies.

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  23. Did you get GOMI'd (yes, that is a verb) or something? I'm wondering where all the negative feedback is coming from.

    I completely disagreed with your post about Daily Mile. You truly are an extraordinarily gifted runner, so maybe it is a little bit hard for you to see how ordinary people do require motivation to get out and run. And I don't mean that in a negative way. I mean, I would expect the Kara Gouchers of the world don't need Daily Mile to keep them going either.

    That being said, just because I disagree with you doesn't mean that I find you angry or mean. You have opinions, and you voice them, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

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  24. Aw, please don't bend to the masses. There are like five running blogs out there that aren't all sunshine and roses. Seriously, a reasonable person can only be asked to take so many exclamation points in any given morning. Personally, my limit is 4 per post max!!!!

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    Replies
    1. Mine is thunderstorms and roses, yes!!!!!?!! (minus !!!!!)

      Delete
  25. I don't think you should change a thing, you are hilarious with your controversial posts! If some people don't like it, they can shove it and go find another blog to follow! Keep writing about how you hate SF, people that harass you, Natalie Portman, and lawyer firms, lol. Don't change for anyone!

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  26. Keep up the great running and blogging RR!! Your talent for both is inspiring. Nice work on the treadmill. Are you still going to the PT to get your hip checked out?

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  27. Don't cave to them! They're pu**ies! We keep coming back because we LIKE what you have to say. Screw 'em if they don't like it. There are millions of other blogs to choose from out there!

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  28. Your demeanor is why I continue to read your blog. :)

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  29. I like the way you write. It's refreshing to see someone who isn't giving out hand jobs left and right.

    Also, you should keep pushing yourself until you hurt yourself or stop improving so much.

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    Replies
    1. And now I feel like we're all giving you the typical blogger hand job. "You're great! Don't ever change! Fuck the haters!"

      Whoops.

      Also, blogger is stupid. "Here is the ability to reply to comment, except the person who left the comment will never see your reply since we here at blogger don't think it's worth notifying the commenter that you replied."

      Delete
    2. Agree to both sentiments. And now you shall never know I responded to say that.

      Delete
    3. I LOVE HAND JOBS!!!! This was a handjob to a handjob giving a handjob

      Delete
  30. What a great post. I love all the discussions it got going, and I think all the comments prove that you don't need to worry about what the eff you say on this blog, because oh yeah, that's right, it's your freakin' blog! And I secretly thought when I read that sentence where you asked for someone to vouch for you being a nice person that you were speaking directly to meeeee, hahaha. So here goes, RoseRunner is a super nice, good-hearted, and caring person! She is an amazingly good friend, and I should know. I've been her friend since day one of her life which I'm pretty sure qualifies me as an expert.

    Ok, I'm giving you a hug through the computer right now friend. Love you.

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  31. I have met you in person and can vouch that you are a very nice girl :)

    Here is the thing with your blog: I don't know what I am going to get and that's what I love about it! THAT is why when I see "RoseRunner" in bold in my google reader, I read it first. It's different and refreshing. It might not be sugar coated all the time, but that's totally fine... it's what makes your blog your blog and it is YOUR blog after all. I like you just the way you are <3 ;)

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  32. I know I haven't followed your blog for a very long time or anything. But I love how you're honest and write your true thoughts as opposed to a bunch of BS (exclamation points etc).

    Also, I'd be waayyy to embarrassed to be the only one running fast on a treadmill (if I could even run on one without getting dizzy). You're a huge inspiration though, and next time I try to ride an exercise bike at the gym I won't feel bad if I'm going a lot harder than the person next to me! (That makes me sound like the anti-competitor, which I swear I'm not!)

    ((hugs))

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  33. You have a unique voice in the blogging world, & I love it. Just like I love reading a few other bloggers who are overly nice. Like, super nice. I like both, because you have completely unique points of view, train/run differently, & I love the balance.

    I never find you mean. Direct? Sure. Honest? Yep. Snarky or hurtful? No. Keep being yourself, becuase otherwise, why blog?

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  34. You definitely shouldn't apologize for writing YOUR thoughts. I enjoy reading about your workouts and how you push yourself so incredibly hard!! It inspires me :)

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  35. It's your blog and you can do whatever the hell you want with it. Haters are always gonna hate. Whatevs.

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  36. you're the sweetest roserunner! just gave you a hug. :D I empathize with what you stated about other readers interpretations of your writing. I've held back from starting a blog for so many reasons. I go back & forth on it daily. part of me really wants to, another part is just "ehhhh" about it. there are so many great bloggers/writers out there and I always question what I would have to add to the bag. you know?! I also know that I'm not the best writer so, that would leave room for others to criticize. people can be mean, unkind. but, I know there are others that are soo sweet, supportive and if they were my real life neighbors we would probably be best friends IRL and exchange cookies and recipes.

    I respect that you took the time to write this post to show your sympathetic side and that you care. just keep being you! I love your dedication, passion and articulation in regards to your running and writing. keep keeping it REAL!! :) xo

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    Replies
    1. Are you the Pam on SkinnyRunner? If so, I would totally read your blog! Start one now, please.

      If you are a different Pam, I still think you should start a blog. :)

      Delete
    2. She IS that Pam and she is a fantastic and devoted runner. And ridiculously kind. Pam: don't be scared by "mean" comments that me, SkinnyRunner, or other bloggers get. Blogging is rewarding no matter what, it is verrry rare for people to be mean.

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    3. I am a Pam admirer. Is that creepy? I love when she makes a special guest appearance on SkinnyRunner.

      Delete
  37. Dang...I clearly miss this post! I think it's refreshing to have different perspectives on blogs. If everyone says/thinks/comments the same thing at the same time IT IS SHIT.
    I wouldn't worry about taming yourself. Even the most harmless posts get interpreted the wrong way and people overreact anyway, so you might as well just write what you like.
    As long as you keep running 185% faster than me, I'll keep reading. I know you have some speedy secrets you're still holding onto.

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  38. Why the f*ck did you even address this issue? I read you cause you are the most HONEST and talented runner there is. If they read your tone as "mean" then they seriously will NOT be able to survive this world.

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