Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Things I've Seen While Running Lately

1) As you may know, I live a block away from a 3.4 mile circumference lake, and I run around it all the time.  With lakes comes a few things....crowds of people, waterfront condos, geese that poop everywhere, and seagulls.

Seagulls are smart.  They figured out how to grab these nasty clam/mussel things that lie just under the surface water of the lake, and then figured out that the easiest way to open and eat the suckers is to fly 50 feet up and drop the clam/mussel onto concrete, where it shatters open.

On many-a-run, I have been startled to hear a shell hit the ground with a loud and sudden "Smack!" and I think, "oh, you silly smart seagulls."  Then, I think "gosh.  I hope those silly smart seagulls don't ever drop one of those straight onto a little kids' head."  Given my close encounters, I didn't think they were actually smart enough to know how to time their clam bombs to avoid moving people.

Where's this going?  Well, recently a seagull dropped it's sharp, crusty dinner at a speed of 60 mph from up yonder in the sky, right onto my shoulder mid stride.

Scared the CRAP out of me! I thought someone threw something at me with full force.  One of these days, these birds are going to crack someone's skull...but, honorable and brave runner that I am, I shall forge on with courage and RUN around this lake, seagull crossfire and all!

2) Have you ever noticed how cute it is that babies drop stuff out of their strollers all the time without their parent knowing?  Usually a sock, shoe, glove, blanket, pacifier, bottle, or toy.

I would estimate that on 100% of my runs, I see a baby product abandoned on the ground.  I like finding socks/shoes/gloves the best.  They are so cute, little miniature people clothes.  Little miniature people who can't hold on to their shit.

During a couple runs recently, I noticed a whimsical trend where people are placing lost baby items on tree branches, like ornaments.  Treating a small baren winter branch like a foot, and slipping the baby sock over it.  So cute.  Maybe I should start a movement where we all go buy 100 baby socks and just start decorating the public streets with them?  Nobody's going to be in a bad mood if they see baby feet everywhere.

3) This morning as I popped out for a run, I saw two bottles of GT brand Kombucha, abandoned on the sidewalk, and literally 92% full.  It looked like someone took one sip of each, and then left them outside of their car.

I stared at them, bemused, pondering the possible scenarios of how it came to be that some abandoned SEVEN DOLLARS worth of drink.  Those drinks are dang expensive!

Scenario 1: "Hey girl, check these drinks out.  They're more than three dollars!  They must be totally amazing.  The most delicious thing ever.  I bet they taste like Disneyland.  Let's get some!"
And then with expectations as high as Disneyland, they twisted off the tops, had a sip, sprayed it out in a dramatic movie-shock kind of way, and declared, "this tastes like vinegar soda, with random pieces of sick-person mucus texture mixed in!", and abandoned it on the sidewalk.

Scenario 2:  "Hey hippy friend.  I earned $20 this week working at the co-op, let's go reward ourselves with the medicinal rejuvination of a Kombucha to purify our toxins."
"Sounds great!"
"Ah, ok, bout to take my first sip.  Mmmmm ---HEY! Hey!  I just remembered that I have to get some hemp birkenstocks RIGHT NOW.  We gotta GO! go go go go go. The Kombucha can stay behind, no time to lose!"

4) A sidewalk garbage Christmas tree.

For real?  Who keeps their Christmas tree until February 20?  That is some serious denial.

5) a Billboard for the movie "The Tourist."

I find it very humorous when a billboard space is in such low demand that nobody buys the space for several years, making it so something very irrelevant and outdated takes up the real estate.  I used to see this a lot when I lived in Los Angeles.  Some old Jennifer Aniston ad would stay parked at a bus stop station for three years past its release date.

6) No money on the ground.

I used to find money all the time while running.  $100 a year, easy.  This was also mostly in Los Angeles.  I'm guessing this is because the fashion is so ridiculous in LA that people are constantly losing money out of their skinny-jean pockets?

Fashion is totally worth having useless pockets

Rack your brain: what's something interesting you've seen lately during a run/walk/bike?


  1. i've seen quite a few christmas trees in my alley here lately as well, some just can't let go of the holiday season i suppose.

    saw a guy running in moon boots the other day, then a few minutes behind him was a serious runner doing what i think was a speed workout in tom's. strange.

  2. I sometimes see a dude on a grown-up-sized trike tooling around my little weird neighborhood. I think the baby sock idea is killer...and your kombucha scenarios totally cracked me up :)

  3. Recently, I ran up a mountain near my house and when I reached the top there were five deer staring at me.

    We have lost items with my daughter before while she is in the stroller. It is not that she cannot hold onto things, she just says, I'm done playing with this and chucks it out the side. Then, when she sees me stop to pick it up, she thinks it is some game and continues to chuck things overboard.

  4. I've seen a few houses with Christmas lights still up when I'm out on my runs.

    The worst thing I hate seeing especially on the greenbelt where I normally run which is miles and miles of paved trail that runs right next to the river and connects lots of parks is... used condom. Just gross!

  5. Love this post! Sorry to hear about your seagull experience though. Silly seagulls.

    Want to hear something gross I recently saw on a walk? Well you don't have a choice. I was walking around a vineyard near my house and there were 10 (I know because I counted) vultures tearing apart some sort of animal in the middle of the vineyard. And they were super close to the fence and did not give a crap that I was walking near them. It was one of those things that was creepy but yet I could not look away.

    Oh and I too get amused by outdated billboards. It makes me kind of sad to know that no one loves that ad space, but also if it's a really bad movie (much like I'm assuming The Tourist was) I think about how pointless that advertising probably was.

  6. I saw a black chicken a couple of miles from my very residentialy neighborhood. That same day, I saw a guy riding a unicycle in another very residentialy area about a half mile from the chicken.

    I also found a broken piccolo on the ground once. I felt the need to keep it because I used to play the piccolo, but I think it's gross, so it just lives in the garage.

  7. i found a dollar last night at 9:30pm. pretty awesome.

    I love the baby sock idea---- "Nobody's going to be in a bad mood if they see baby feet everywhere." so true

    I like scenario 2 the best. very clever

  8. President Obama's motorcade? It totally ruined my run, because they closed all of the streets, and I ended up in the middle of nowhere trying to find my way out. Oh, and they closed the park where I usually make a potty stop. They didn't want any crazy President haters hiding in the bathrooms, I guess? Anyway, it led to some bad times & an awkward run on the way home.

  9. There's a guy I run by in my neighborhood who sweeps his driveway and cleans his lawn with a giant snake wrapped around his neck. Definitely the weirdest thing I've seen while running.


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