Wednesday, September 19, 2012

I Can't...



I spent a good chunk of time yesterday restraining myself with all my might from letting loose and blogging like a mofo.

It was reaaallllly time for me to blog.  More than any other time, I needed it.  I needed to vent, and write and write and write, and I needed someone to listen, and I needed support, and ears, and criticism, and advice, and I needed all of YOU.  I have become accustomed to receiving a trail of feedback whenever I put something out there, whether it is a thought, a question.

So I had/have a dilemma.  I really think I could use your help.  But BUT BUT, this blog is not private.  And I simply have no way of knowing who is reading.  I really am not trying to be a tease here.

This post now has a picture.  Face. 

Oddly enough, I feel much safer on Facebook, where I have control over who is my friend and who I share information with via privacy settings.  So if you are my fb friend, you may already have a taste of my issue.  I posted about it, and got feedback.  But knowing it was still risky to share even there, I wasn't able to tell more than a mere snippet of what's going on.

So cryptic! The best I can do is to say that I feel trampled on and disrespected. By asshats.

*****

With this load brewing inside of me all day (not THAT kind of load), I came home with all sorts of energy to burn.

I occasionally, but rarely, will go for a short run in the evening.  Always less than 8 miles, and almost always as a "second" or shake-out run -- i.e., usually a run that doesn't really "count" as anything but easy empty miles.

Even more rare is running on the treadmill in the evening.  I have virtually never done it.  Ever.

But with my blood hot, I wanted to run hard and zone OUT, and I knew the best solution was to plug in the pace into the treadmill, and just go.  So I did a first; I ran on the treadmill in the evening.

(There were 12 easy miles earlier that morning, which weren't intended to be easy, but LET'S JUST SAY my co-worker's shared grocery store Chinese food from the day prior did not sit well.)

Ok no seriously, there's a story here, and it's a good one.  Keep going.

I go to my gym for a treadmill run yesterday evening, first time EVER.  I call dibs on my favorite treadmill, which is obviously the one on the end because it means I am suffocated by only one other sweaty body to my side, while the other side is free and open for passerbys to stop and stare.

I get on.  Now think about this: what is one thing you can think of that would be terrible to have in front of you during a one hour treadmill run?  What is the WORST thing you can think of?  Anything.  Fang-toothed spiders?  Mitt Romney?  Justin Bieber?  Old people doing naked yoga?

No.  Here's the worst thing.

The worst thing.  Is.

A BIG FUCKING HUGE TABLE ENTIRELY FILLED WITH OYSTERS.

My gym had an open-house party to celebrate it's name change.  It is a SMALL gym.  They decided to celebrate by slapping a few balloons up, setting up 3 tables at the walking path right in front of the treadmills and ellipticals, and some moron decided that nothing said "Welcome to our Gym!" like a vat of oysters.

Not only did I run my butt off while staring at and smelling oysters, but I also had the pleasure of watching the evening rush hour gym members brush off their scheduled workout to gorge on oysters.  And hey, wait a sec....there's no way that hipster belongs to this gym....they're letting anyone in here to eat these oysters!  Ew.

The whole time this was happening, believe it or not, I was actually so tickled with how absurd and hilarious and gross it was that I really wasn't all that disgusted.  Very, very amused.

I started at a comfortable pace, worked my way up, and spent the last half hour between an 8.8 and 9.2 mph pace (6:48-6:31 pace).  8.5 miles in one hour.

Hey, one more thing.  Thanks to Netflix, we watched an old favorite last night, Hot Shots Part Deux.  Who knew Charlie Sheen used to look like....this?



"I loved you in Wall Street!"....anyone?  anyone?  Go rent Hot Shots.  You'll laugh more than you would be willing to admit. 

33 comments:

  1. Hey so I hope whatever Bee is in your bonnet is getting worked out. Sending Vibes of figuring-it-outness your way.Also some hope for some Glade plug ins or Febreeze for your gym. Though seafood dipped in 'Morning meadows' or "cool waters' is probably worse than plain oyster. Have a good day RR!

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  2. I love Hot Shots, both films, but love the father son scene in Deux. I listened to Charlie Sheen last month on the Jay Mohr podcast and he referenced both films.

    Your mistique has me curious and I keep telling myself it's none of my beeswax. Hope all is well.

    Alex

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    1. If anyone wants to leave their e-mail, I can draft some sort of private post and Blind CC it to everyone....because I swear it will help me to share. And I don't like teaser posts.

      Delete
    2. Oh mother effer, I originally tried to reply anonymously with the response below, and it did with my real gmail account. Winner, right here.

      DONE, even if you were half-kidding, because I am supremely curious too. Here's my anon email account: hollyscraigslist [at] gmail [dot] com.

      Delete
    3. I'm marking your original as spam so that it is like it never existed!

      Delete
  3. I hope your "not for public consumption" issue has a happy resolution. Generic platitude!

    I had a huge crush on Charlie Sheen as a kid because of those movies. Oh man.

    Also, I love oysters, but they should not have anything to do with anything going on in a gym. Also, oysters are expensive. What the fuck?

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  4. I honestly think I would vomit at the gym scenario...and I have literally not yakked since I was 6 years old (swear!). I am not a fan of seafood. I hope the run helped at least somewhat but it seems some unbiased feedback could help you as well. I am a big fan of yours so if you do write a post...my email is runscootsrun@gmail.com. Positive thoughts being sent your way!

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  5. Well, I'm intrigued about your 'hot topic' issue but of course you must only post about it if you feel comfortable.

    Ugh, oysters? How bizarre! And ridiculous - that's just asking for food poisoning. I hope the gym is ready to be sued by anyone who ate them :P

    God, your treadmill pace puts me to shame. Actually the treadmill really aggravates my particular buttcrease injury (it sounds so similar to yours and I have had it on and off for years now) - I wish it didn't because the winter is coming up and it would be nice to actually be able to run a decent distance on a treadmill without my leg giving out from under me.

    Oh, and as a lifelong atheist I loved your last post, even if I am going to Hell for saying that haha.

    xxx

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  6. Nice treadmill run! That oyster thing is truly gross. Can't even put an image of that in my head. Bizarre.

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  7. If it's work-related, I'd love to help - privately, of course. I absolutely never post about work even though there are days I'd love to do so. Otherwise, hope whatever it is gets better.

    And oysters in a gym? In a month that doesn't end in Y, no less? I would have barfed for sure.

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  8. Nice reference to hot shots...part duex is classic as well!

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  9. I love oysters - but I think I'd give "gym oysters" a bit of a side eye and worry that they'd make me sick. Especially if there was the danger that you had sweat on them all the way from your treadmill.

    Hope your FB friends have steered you in the right direction and that your blood is down to a gentle simmer.

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    Replies
    1. I am sure some of my sweat found it's way onto them! It was maybe 3 feet away...for sure within my range of capabilities, especially at the 9.0 speed ;)

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  10. Trampled on and disrespected by asshats? Is this a work issue by any chance? Because I have so been there. Good luck...

    The oyster story is hilarious. Gym oysters! Are you kidding? I would give them so much side eye. NOw if there was champagne involved, that's a whole different thing. I have it on good authority that champagne is an excellent post-workout (or post-race) drink.

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  11. I think you are HILARIOUS and I can't wait to stalk you at the SJ RnR next month, don't worry I am actually going there to run too.

    And oysters at the gym, fucking gross.

    Write that post and put it up (in secret)...all ears. lindsayrusk@gmail.com

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  12. Love the new pic;)
    Sorry to hear that you're being trampled on and disrespected. If you need some extra thoughts, email me @ mbarrett33@gmail.com

    Ummm...and the oysters????wtf? I would call that "#fail" lol...soooo gross.

    Sending you good vibes!

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  13. Sucks you are having work issues. I am always open to thoughts/rants/no judgement emails. Funny that I work in HR with a psych degree...and I used to bartend. Just totally cliche!
    nikkiwood83@yahoo.com

    Hope everything works out for you!
    --Nikki--

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    Replies
    1. You must be everybody's best friend! Don't we all love to talk about our problems?

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  14. OMG that is absolutely hilariousness! What an odd thing to serve at a gym promotional event!

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  15. I've heard oysters are great for electrrolyte replacement and a fabulous source of protein. Oh, wait …that was a different semi-liquidy, quasi-gelatinous substance I'm thinking of…that would probably not be sitting out on a table in you gym. I think the words 'Hot Shots' must've triggered that digression…

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  16. What the fuck. I don't even have any other words for that. Oysters at a gym. Right then.

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  17. I used to have a Crunch gym membership, and during X-mas/New Year's they had spiked punch and a DJ spinning tables near the treadmills. No thank you!

    Hope your dilemma gets resolved soon. Drinks soon? I've been going to Oakland a lot lately ...

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    Replies
    1. I would love to have a drink date. I know you had a "problem" solved recently, I'm sure we could swap stories

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  18. I think you have my email already, so feel free to add me to the list. I'd definitely want to help in any way that I can.

    EWWW re: oysters at the gym. Eating anything at the gym seems unsanitary to me, but oysters are definitely at the bottom of the list. If you love Hot Shots, I'd recommend Top Secret with Val Kilmer. It's a great spoof on spy films.

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    Replies
    1. Hell to the yes! Love Top Secret. While we're at it, I love the Naked Gun movies too....it's the formula. Probably started with Airplane. The Scary Movies don't quite have it right....

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  19. Uh....I would say that I hope you're feeling better, but I saw your FB post and I would probably still be completely pissed the fuck off right now if I were you. Seriously.

    Oysters, though, are completely disgusting. I am down with most "delicacies" but oysters are just gross.

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  20. WTF? Asshattery and oysters (I cannot stand them) at the gym in the same day?

    Seriously, though, I hope that whatever is causing you to feel trampled on gets resolved in your favor quickly.

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  21. Who's idea was it to bring one of the foulest smelling foods to a place where people are working out? I can't even wrap my head around eating oysters around sweaty people. Also, I friended you on facebook bc I can't resist a good bi@tch session.

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  22. Ugh. We are not FB friends (why?) so I can't throw down on your cranky situation, but I will say thumbs down to all asshattery. Lemme know if I need to punch someone in the nuts.

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  23. I hate not being able to talk about important shit on my blog, so I feel you dawg. I hope everything works (or worked) itself out. Sorry bout the oysters.

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  24. WHY THE F*CK WOULD THEY PUT SMELLY OYSTERS IN A GYM? That would make me gag and give me an excuse not to work out but turn my fat ass around and go home

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  25. Oh my gawd I am so behind on your blog and your life!! I am going to go facebook stalk you now to find out what was going down. And then I will probably e-mail you.

    p.s. that oyster story is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard.

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