Sunday, September 9, 2012

Ugly

Since readership tends to lag over the weekend, I'll take this opportunity to travel off topic (like I never do that...)

As someone who has been a blog reader much longer than a blog writer, I have made it pretty clear that  I really enjoy reader participation, I embrace all comments, I will not delete anything, and I will not be upset if you disagree with anything I write.

Over time, as more and more readers have visited, the closer some comments get to testing the limits of what I will actually embrace.  Rare as it is, I will get a comment that speaks not to the post at hand, but to a judgment about me as the writer--I'm jealous, I'm a hypocrite, I'm arrogant, I'm the worst.

I'm ugly.

This week, someone stopped by just to tell me I am ugly.  To be specific, I am "ugly looking"--just to be clear, not metaphorically ugly in spirit (oh, phew).  Also that I am manly.  And despite all these unfortunate qualities, I still manage to be arrogant.

Obviously, I'm not crazy, and I'm not letting a trolling comment get under my (uggggllllyyy) skin.  I am only slightly bothered.  My first reaction was to giggle, because I know now this blog has really come a long way from the days of me fishing for just one dozen friendly readers.  I now have anonymouses!  Too many readers to be named!

The thing that bums me out is that having a running blog gives readers license to judge my appearance. This isn't a modeling blog you stupid heads.

So do I draw the line here?  No.  I don't delete these comments.  I even still believe that this person has a right to voice that what they learned from my post was that it is confusing that I call myself Rose since I look like a Ross. Tee hee.

LISTEN PEOPLE.  Your comment stays.  You don't need to try and test my feelings here.  Empty insults aren't going to do anything but lead to boring blog posts in which I wonder what the point of empty insults on physical appearance are, and then make me flashback to the last time someone told me I was ugly.

The last time someone told me I was ugly? to my face?  I was 11.  In a bathing suit.  That I had carefully selected because it made me look more flat-chested than I actually was, because I hated my new boobs.  I wanted to look like a kid.  But some punk boy that I didn't know pointed at me, looked at his friend, and said "now SHE is ugly," as if they were having a conversation in which they could not quite illustrate with words how to describe an ugly person, and then they luckily spotted me, and were able to finally reach an understanding and move on.

Because of this one person, ages 11-13 was a time when if I wasn't locked in my room dreaming about JTT, I was drowning in worry about my appearance.  Pimples, boobs, Jewish nose, all of the above.

Sorry this is the only picture of me at age 11 that I have access to.  I was obviously adorable. 


These concerns faded as other more important ones entered my life.  I haven't spent many minutes since that age worrying about being ugly.  After nearly five years with the Gentleman, who tells me I am beautiful daily, some days I almost believe he is telling an objective truth.

Anyway.  I don't appreciate the flashbacks, anon's of the world. If you use grown-up words to describe what you are thinking then this will continue to be a fun place to talk about running, blogging, and a mix of the two.

I know 99% of you are able to handle this societal norm, so I'm kind of preaching to the choir.  Have you ever dealt with personal insults on the internet? If not, it's probably cause you are pretty so ptttthhh.

*****

Running! The prettiest thing there is!  (don't ever let me say those words out loud)

Monday:     0
Tuesday:     9.8 (fail, too tired to hit the planned-for 12-14 miles)
Wednesday: 16.7
Thursday:   13.5
Friday:        13.2
Saturday:     21.6
Sunday:       13.2
[total = 88 miles]

I tried to make Wednesday's run count towards a good effort for "marathon training" with a spontaneously-made-up workout of 2 x 4 miles at goal marathon pace.

It didn't go very smoothly, I was feeling low-energy, and holding anything under a 7:00 minute pace while running around the lake was feeling harder than it should on a better day.  It is always so much harder for me to run fast anywhere but the track, the treadmill, or in a race.  The four-mile sets were also interrupted by my loud urges to stop and stretch a couple times in the middle of each set.

Set 1: 6:53; 6:48; 6:53; 6:46
Set 2: 7:02; 6:51; 7:04; 6:42

I then tried to make Thursday's run count towards another easing-back-into the track workout.  I aim to get back to 10x800m at under 3:00 minutes each (Yasso's), but for now, I started with a measly 5 repeats.  Partially because I ran out of time, partially because I was toast after 5 repeats.

2:59; 2:59; 2:55; 2:54; 2:56

Neither of these runs are where I'd like to be, but I guess the idea is that they are the building blocks to help me get there!

Saturday's 21.6 miler was boring and long and slow, and I would have stopped at 16 miles if I wasn't already so goddamn far away from home.  But I'm glad it happened, I hope to keep building up to 23 or 24 miles so that 26.2 miles sounds like a piece of cake and I can just focus on my goal pace.

Sunday's 13.2 miles (this morning) was a hard dusty trail run with XLMIC in the Berkeley hills.  We ran just under 9 miles together, and then I ran a few more on my own.  The first 9 miles of hard climbs was so much easier than the last 4 miles on my own, because I got to listen to first hand Nuun HTC gossip ;)  Actually it was easier because XLMIC is a crazy strong hill climber.

Now I have a blood blister.  It is pretty.

39 comments:

  1. Wow. That just wasn't very nice. I think I'd have the same reaction. I'd go back to a memory I have of being on the school bus when I was about 13 and another girl made fun of me for a weird habit I used to have where I would scrunch my nose and do something weird with my mouth (I think it was to dea with allergies). I think any time someone insults your looks, it makes you feel like the ugly kid again. (oh man was i awkward-looking for a lot of my life) No one has done it to me on the internet - but I think that's more because my blog isn't popular...

    I bet my blood blister is prettier than your blood blister...

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  2. Really? People leave comments like that? I guess I shouldn't be so shocked as I see nasty comments on twitter all the time and therefor just unfollow those nasty people. I was made fun of all the time for being skinny. People tell me I need to eat more kind of often. I pretty much take that as people telling me my physique is unappealing. I don't understand why people think any comments like the ones I receive or you received are beneficial by any means. I appreciate constructive criticism but comments like that stem from hate and/or jealousy. So anyway. Chalk it up to a hater. I would.

    I have a blood blister under a callus the size of a quarter on my right foot. It's SO pretty.

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    1. First of all, I think you are gorgeous. Second, anonymous people don't count because they are too insecure to reveal themselves. Third, I just subscribed to your blog a few weeks ago and I love it.

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  3. Geez. What's wrong with people. If it makes you feel any better, it's not true (not that it's ok to insult people even if it is true...). We sure are a bunch of immature interweb users.

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  4. Laugh a little (or a lot) and then realize the end of it is sympathy. People can behave very ugly, worse on the Internet. The ones who do have to be seriously sad somewhere in their being...good and happy people don't do that to others. Take pity, they don't have happy things in their lives to keep them busy and so they must troll the net to spread their dislike of themselves. I'm sure you know all this. And the number one catalyst for such ugly behavior? Jealousy. Rock on beautiful Roserunner!

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  5. I'm still a newbie so haven't dealt with it yet. I got called ugly by this kid David in front of my entire 10th grade english class...humiliating. If people actually take the time to write that comment they probably should do some soul searching to find out why they feel the need to say that. I just don't get that stuff. Impressive mileage girl and you're fast...I can't say it enough, lol.

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    Replies
    1. David, what a serious prick. Here you are, remembering it years later, and he probably didn't even remember it the next day. Terrible.

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  6. Objectively, there is no way I would ever describe you as ugly. And sadly I am a very appearance aware, shallow person. I think perhaps the 'manly' statement is the telling one in this particular comment, given that you did take the mick, quite spectacularly (and with a great deal of wit) out of pink, sparkly, 'feminine' runners. I think calling someone 'ugly' is typically a last resort when one possesses a distinct lack of imagination. I'd be quite happy with your height and lean, muscular physique. To me you also have a pretty face, and an interesting one, not bland and all Barbie looking, but far, far from ugly.

    I know those comments hurt though. I tell myself how ugly I am daily. I hide during gym classes and look at the floor 99% of the time. I was told how ugly, fat and disgusting I was daily from the ages of 8-15 when I was at school, to the point of being suicidal. I'm sure someone will comment that I am ugly now they know how vulnerable I am as well. But, cliché though it may be (and I do cringe for saying this...however it's true) we all know who is the really ugly one inside.

    xxx

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  7. WTF. I find the whole thing absurd. I've never been insulted on the internet, though once in college I was falsely accused of unethical behavior in group email (to the entire Biology Honors Frat - NERD ALERT). Anyway, I think it's an unfortunate side effect of your blog being popular and well-received. People with mental/social/self-esteem problems then feel the need to insult you anonymously to make themselves feel better. Jerkfaces.

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  8. Sorry, for the ugly comment you received. I think it is real easy for people to do personal insults on the internet. I don't understand it at times. But, in any event, you are not close to being ugly - which you know and that must have been someone just trying to be mean.

    In any event, your blog is awesome and you are awesome. Love reading it, even if I might not comment on the time (sometimes get too busy to click through from google reader).

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  9. That big meanie head!!! Hate bullies- especially bullies who are chicken! But we, as reasonable (mostly) adults, can rise above the words. It is a good reminder though of how hurtful words destroy people - especially children!!

    Your training is amazing!!!! How do you do all those miles????

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    1. The how = slowly built my way up by starting running when I was 18, and just kept up the habit all these years!

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  10. I have a new blister, too! Not a blood one though because I am a wimp and only ran those first <9 miles. And blood blisters are ALWAYS pretty.

    No one's told me that I'm ugly on the internet...which is surprising to me because I am way UNphotogenic...even in my kick-ass new sparkly skirt ;-) But I have been called an idiot a couple of times online...which is also surprising because I'm actually pretty fucking smart (both book and street). And I've been called creepy...which totally cracks me up. In real life, I've definitely been pointed out as an ugly person. But no one has ever mistaken me for an idiot in real life. Honestly, it's all a big "whatever" at this point!

    And you are actually quite lovely in person and in pictures.

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    Replies
    1. And how did you whip out that post so fast? JEEZ... over-achiever...

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  11. First, the fact that someone thinks they have some sort of balls to say "youre ugly" on your blog is downright ridiculous. The amount of balls they have is in fact zero given it was behind an empty and spaceless comment. I get a ton of rude/wise ass comments via formspring or blog and I try to not let me them bother me. Some do...some don't. I'm glad you take the high road. I know you aren't looking for anyone to tell you that are pretty (but you are!) so anyways your blog is one of my ultimate favorites. You talk running and the fact and you don't bs and skip around saying "I bought a new lulumon running skirt so I'll look so cute when I run..ect". I love how badass you are.

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  12. I am breaking out like crazy with pimples on my face and it brings me back to middle school days...ugh (not pregnancy pimples unfortunately). But thank goodness for the people in our lives who love us and help lift us back up after dumb people say dumb things.

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    Replies
    1. You never had pimples in high school! You have always been flawless. And cheers to your last sentence.

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  13. I love your take on things. It's the reason I come back to your blog again and again. Thanks for being open and honest enough to talk about being insulted. You are an example of the logical, level-headed (grown-up) people out there.

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  14. When I had a style blog, some people criticized some of my fashion choices and a couple of times the comments bordered on hurtful snark rather than attempted constructive criticism. I think my running blog is probably too small potatoes to draw that kind of attention. In college, some random woman called me a fat ass in a parking lot. I have to admit that it stung a little bit.

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  15. Oh geez, really? I mean I know people do this, but every time I read something like this it makes me go ugh. My guess? One of the sparkly-skirt-pickle-salad-eaters took offense and was getting her own back. Sad, actually. Imagine having that kind of life, and then feeling the need to make that kind of comment?

    Goes without saying that you're very pretty!

    I'm trying to remember the last time someone other than me called me ugly. Haven't heard that specific word since I was probably 12? Or 13? And the neighbor boy's dog ran out in the street and I sort of guided him back to his own lawn, and the neighbor said to me the next day at school "you killed my dog, you're so ugly he took one look at you and he died." Those were the days!

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  16. Miss Anonymouse needs to fess up. Nobody speaks to my blogger crush like that! You are obviously gorgeous, smart, successful, and speedy. Usually I laugh at the "They are just jealous." comments but in your case it is true.

    Your training sounds solid. The 2x4 mile at mp workout is such a tough one. You did well and your Yassos have me intimidated. I need to get my butt on the track for 800's soon.

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  17. I was called "stupid" the other day by someone on Twitter. Of course, they were anonymous as well...a cartoon as their photo, and a made up name. It really came out of nowhere. I had made a comment to a running club about Lance Armstrong not being allowed to run the Chicago Marathon. Turns out, the anonymous person who replied to me from that tweet didn't agree with what I said, so all of the sudden I am stupid. Nice.

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  18. What kills me is that the mean comments ALWAYS seem to come from "anonymous." Constructive criticism is wonderful and valuable, and it's often overlooked (or passed off as "mean") in the blog world. But to call someone ugly? Seriously? Are we back in third grade? If so, does that mean we also get recess and snack time again? Because that would be great.

    You've got thick skin, which is a good virtue to have as a blogger. It's true what people say, that you can get a million praise-filled, helpful comments, but it's the one negative (often anonymous) one that'll stick in your head forever. I've received plenty of nasty comments and emails, and sometimes I can shake my head and laugh them off — how can these people attack my character when they don't even know me?! — but other times they really do bring me down. It's all part of putting your life out there on the Internet I suppose. It doesn't make it OK, and Internet trolls are just cowards hiding behind computer screens. But also, you're probably faster than all of them. So that's cool.

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  19. Never gotten the ugly comment, but I wrote what was supposed to be a humorous post on Pinterest (specifically, the dumb projects people advertise on there, including making your own laundry soap) and got a really nasty comment about how since I wasn't a mother I'd never understand having a child with allergies or struggling to find the right soap.

    I was already pregnant, but wasn't out of the closet at the time. And it's pretty obvious I had a lot of problems getting there. So I responded back explaining that NO, I wasn't a mother because I was infertile. And then I left her stupid, ignorant comment.

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  20. Fine. I'll get real here...your running...is...UGLY. *holds breath* Bahahaha! I couldn't even say it. Or type it, rather. Those people are obviously the kinds that we all know...that would never say something to another person's face. March on, roserunner. Or rather, RUN on. Also...88 miles? What? You cray cray.

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  21. Bah. Anonymous comments are like free advice, worth what you paid for them. My blog sorts out all anonymous comments for me, and I haven't seen fit to allow any through the spam filter. Not because they're saying I'm ugly. I'll be the first to say I'm not photogenic. But nobody cares about what a middle aged guy looks like. No, the anonymous comments are full of spam, and link bait, and computer constructed statements that don't make sense. Like this "Please keep us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing. " Somedays I fear stuff like this is the internet waking up and trying to learn to talk, just like children learn to talk. Sorry if I've given you nightmares.

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  22. As someone who's been lurking in your archives for the past few days I find this a great post to top by and say that person's an idiot and you're hilarious. I am the least active person ever. You are a machine!

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  23. Wow, I'm so glad I waited until I'd met you in person to catch up on your blog because now I can tell you that you are pretty and you have to believe me since I saw it IN REAL LIFE. Bitches be bitchin', I guess. I'm impressed with your grown up response, I'm pretty sure I'd still act like an 11 year old and delete my whole blog (not just the comment), go cry in a corner, and beg my mom for plastic surgery.

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  24. Definitely not cool that someone called you ugly on here. I'm assuming they were anonymous? Hopefully they had the courage to have their name on there. Your blog is probably the most controversial out there among any blogs that I read. (this is why I like your blog so much because its so interesting). Though being controversial leads to more people who are on the edge being attracted to your blog, which likely leads to more crazy comments. Not saying that the comment you got was justified, but being more controversial means you have to deal with more crazy people.

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    1. Nelly, always love your unique perspective. You think I attract crazy people? Hehe. That's awesome.

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  25. I have a running blog and some anon left a comment with these exact words: "Ewww, you are so skinny it's nasty. Why do you run so much? Stop running and you won't be so nasty thin." I wasn't like you at all, I deleted it immediately and I didn't take it well. it bothered me and I unloaded on my boyfriend but once the clouds and tears cleared what bothered me more was the implication was that I run to get skinny. Please.
    Although I eat a ton, I shouldn't have to prove to anyone I eat and it hurts to have someone comment on the shape of your body whether thin or big. Oh yeah, and the only reason girls run is to be skinny. No asshole, I'm skinny because I lift and eat well. I run so I don't lose my mind in grad school.
    Tangentially, I think you are lovely.

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    1. I don't think any skinny girl will ever escape these kind of comments, even when they are under the guise of concern. I wrote an imperfect post with a similar sentiment about the assumption that I run for vanity, it can be found in my "every rose has it's thorn" tab.

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  26. I know you didn't post this to get compliments, but ironically you look better than ever (love the dark hair)! Anon can suck it.

    But I don't read running blogs for the bloggers' looks. Really, I don't! I read for the masochistic tendencies and hard-won finishes.

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  27. That makes me so angry!! Why do people say such stupid things?? I just don't get how there are people like that out in the world.

    This brings me back to elementary school when a boy told me I should be able to help the tug-of-war team win because I was fat. While I find it kind of amusing now, it was devastating at the time and definitely shaped how I felt about myself for a long time. So I hope you don't let this comment make you think any different about yourself because it's not true (obviously), and whoever said it is just an idiot.

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  28. "This isn't a modeling blog you stupid heads." Haha, that made me laugh. No one has called me ugly on the internet, because NO ONE reads my little blog. When I get my first mean comment, I know I've hit the big time.

    Also, you are so the opposite of ugly! Stupid heads don't know sh*t.

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  29. the only personal insult i've ever gotten was from a "friend" in real life who found out about my blog and would leave comments like "glad you liked that restaurant, i went there last year and was less than impressed"...shit like that. Now we don't talk and her husband cheated on her...THAT SHOULD TEACH YOU A LESSON ABOUT F*CKING WITH MY BLOG!!!!!!!!!!! Oh and ugly? SORRY you don't wear PINK PINK PINK workout outfits, take ONLY flattering photos of yourself on your iphone, and spend all day photoshopping your pictures cause you HAVE A FUCKING REAL JOB AS A LAWYER! Okay, gtg take some Xanax

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