Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The Stupidest Man Alive

Last time I talked about a magazine, it was kind of desparate, but here we are again and I feel compelled to talk about this People magazine business because it is more interesting than talking about the flood-warning weather forecast for this Sunday's marathon, and because I need to know that we are all on the same page.

The Sexiest Man Alive is also the Biggest Idiot Whose Words Were Ever Quoted



The answer to how I--the most intellectual sophisticated lady of the land who only reads law review articles and the Economist (does my sarcasm ever come across well here?)--came to read a People Magazine is just a freak accident, an anomaly.  But as I began to read, I was deLIGHTED and laughing my way through this Cover article on the man anointed Sexiest.

Please, enjoy every sad moment of this.  These are real quotes.  I cannot think of a duller person that exists, than Channing Tatum.


  • People Magazine blushing over his secret talent--He Can Cook!: I learned from living out on my own.  You know, the staples--chicken, spaghetti, steak, taco night or whatever.  (Swoon, yum or whatever).
  • On his Musical Talent: I play guitar a little bit.  But not really. (Tatum, tell us a little about yourself in the emptiest way possible).
  • What he is self-conscious about: My reading. I don't read out loud very well.  (Red alert! Red alert! Do not crush on this guy.  Yikes.)
  • He sculpts: I'd taken a pottery class in high school, but just, like, making pots and crap.  (w-w-wait--you made pots in pottery class?).
  • On finding out he was Sexiest Man Alive:  I told Jenna after we'd been in the bathtub washing our dogs because they'd gotten skunked.  She was like, "What?!" (And then you were both like, "like?!").
  • Explaining what he wears around the house: ...I'm really good at sleeping.  Sometimes I don't even shower; I just jump off our balcony into our pool.  (Tatum.  Congratulations on sleeping and sometimes not showering. You are extraordinarily ordinary.  But did you hear the question?).
  • Thought bubble on a Sexy Portrait: I saw a photo the other day and I was like, "wow, that's an older me."  It's nice.  I like it.  (His vocabulary is, like, so nice.  And I can see how he might be surprised to learn from a picture that he isn't 12).

By the time I finished reading this article, I was using a Beavis & Butthead voice in my head to imagine his voice.

Even the fact that he looks like my FOREVER ADORED JTT, will not save anyone from the spiral of boredom that will surround you after a minute of conversing with Channing Tatum.



Also, Tatum, or Channing, whichever is your first name, you have two last names and it really confuses me.  Jump Street was pretty cool though, so cheers.

**I know I'm being way harsh, and it is probably more fair to describe Mr. Channing/Tatum as "simple" rather than stupid.  But there needs to be SOME discretion in choosing the Sexiest man Alive.  Sexy does NOT exist without some smart.  Harumph.**

Running Cliff-notes  I ran hard on the treadmill this a.m., 9.05 miles in one hour (6:37-ish pace?).  It was only mildly uncomfortable to hold this pace, but I sadly I had to stop and stretch out my leg a few times when I got the "leg-lock" feeling.  I wish I knew what to do to prevent it.

I have two important questions before I go:

1) Advice on what to wear to run a marathon in the rain.  Visor? shorts? tights? I'm worried about chafing in the thigh area due to wetness if I wear shorts, worried about chafing at the bikini line if I wear tights (this has happened before!), worried that my shoes of choice (Nike Pegasus 29) have weak tread and I may slip.

2) Yay or nay on changing my commenting system by using Disqus, which is the kind of commenting that looks like this:


I'm guessing it is more user-friendly than the blogger-commenting.  Thanks for the idea, Keith!

And that, my friends, is my first attempt at making progress on my dreary blog layout since, ever. 

40 comments:

  1. I guess I have to leave a comment now. How warm is this marathon in the rain? And how rainy? Big difference between isolated showers and a full on downpour with howling winds.

    PS, I think I'm doing pretty good to be running 9*K* in one hour.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Flood warning = downpour I think. Probably too early to tell. Not too cold, maybe 50 degrees by 8 or 9:00 a.m.

      Delete
  2. My god, he DOES look like JTT! And just like that, my childhood crush is gone.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I ran my first marathon in Maui in 2009, and it POURED for the first 1.5 hours. I lived on Oahu at the time, and this was an un-Hawaii-like storm. It was more like the Southern storms I grew up with - pouring rain that hurt when it hit the skin, flooded streets, lightning and thunder, etc. Yes is sucked, but ultimately didn't slow me down ( it was the unrelenting short, steep hills from 16-26 that killed me, but that's beside the point here). I remember one of my contacts popping out at mile 9 (pre-LASIK) and I caught it just in time to put it back in my eye!

    I wore a Nike running top with a built-in shelf bra and running shorts with a built-in liner and I was fine for that marathon. I also wore non-cotton socks and I had no foot issues. The only think I remember sucking was that my shorts got really heavy from being so wet, and I kept having to pull them up. So on that front, I would probably wear spandex, with a full layer of anti-chafe cream underneath.
    http://christenruns.blogspot.com/2012_04_01_archive.html

    I don't recall any chafe. I highly reccomend Mission's 5-hour anti-chafe cream:
    http://www.drugstore.com/mission-athletecare-5-hour-anti-chafe-cream/qxp391824
    It's supposedly silicone-based and waterproof.

    That's all I've got. Regardless, you will be fine. I promise.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, and I would say, wear some running sunglasses in the rain. I have a Target pair that I wear all the time in rain and snow. It's much better to look crazy wearing sunglasses in the gloomy rain than to battle raindrops in the eyes.

      Delete
  4. Uuuh...enjoy running in the rain? Hopefully its at least warm-ish rain? Not 40 degree rain! But seriously, good luck!

    As for the comments - anything that doesn't require me to open a new window makes me happy. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. 1. Agree re: Channing Tatum. I read on another blog that they're petitioning for Ryan Gosling next year. I'd be all about that.
    2. I'm eager to hear what others have to say about the rain gear. I'm planning on wearing a hat, tank, homemade arm warmers, gloves (maybe), shorts, and compression socks. I'll be wearing sweats and a poncho right up until the race starts.
    3. I vote YES on Disqus!! I can actually follow comment threads w/Disqus, unlike Blogger.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Capri tights or something will prevent that water-logged shorts issue that I hate in the rain, and I think the tighter your clothes are altogether the less discomfort when they're wet. My biggest complaint when running in a downpour is that you get tired from squinting/cringing into the heavy rain (not as much of an issue in a light rain) so if you can stand a hat or glasses that helps.
    Maybe you should talk to some Oregonian bloggers!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I get a lot of bitching from people about Disqus and complaints that they can't comment using it. Ergh. I wish they had comment luv for Blogger.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I have always been of the opinion that Channing Tatum just *looks* stupid...is that terrible? Probably. But those narrow eyes and thick neck just scream I DO NOT READ to me. Anyway, glad to see it confirmed.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am only attracted to nerds, so I know nothing about this Channing Tatum business. My latest celebrity crush is a guy named Benedict Cumberbatch, so what do I know? My best advice for running in the rain is to wear good socks.
    Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  10. From your earlier comments, I would say run shorts. Chaffing at the bikini line is one of the most painful (only worse then chaffing at the armpits). Also this post is genuis (makes up for the lack of his). I thought I was the only one in the history of the world that didn't find his overly attractive and I also don't find unintelligent men attractive...could be why I'm attracted to nerdy guys. Anywho-good luck this weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  11. This is hilarious and amazing, so thank you for making me giggly on this Thursday morning. I would like to join Channing at his next taco night. Perhaps we can read aloud to each other.

    For the marathon, during which you will be fast and fantastic, lube up with lots of Body Glide. My clothes, no matter how soft, rip at me when it's rainy. Sports bra area, underarm area, inner thighs, all of it. Do it up.

    KICK ASS, GOOD LUCK!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I find that when running the rain a fitted, compression style short (just above the knee length) works well for me. That should eliminate inner thigh chafing. I once ran a full marathon in tights and also had some butt chafing, but this has never been a problem with a compression short...not sure if that is logical... Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I have never run a marathon in the rain but I think spandex in either short or long form would be more comfortable than shorts flapping and getting heavy and falling off. Or something.

    I am not a big fan of disqus. I cannot comment on blogs with it at work. Clearly the reason you should not change.

    ReplyDelete
  14. My very first marathon was in pouring rain. I wore a tank top and shorts and I did ok. I forgot to lube up on top so I ended up with horrible sports bra chafing. I would suggest you wear a hat. It will keep the rain off of your face. I checked the weather for Sacramento and it least it won't be freezing cold...

    Slather yourself in bodyglide/vasaline to protect from chafing. Good luck on Sunday.

    ReplyDelete
  15. My second CIM was mostly in the rain. I recommend Vaseline all over your chafey points and shorts. And a visor or ball cap ...and a hefty bag maybe.

    Channing... If he and I were not married people, I'd probably fuck him. But being a married woman, I only think of my husband in that way. He is very much my 'type' from my younger years...muscular, attractive, rather inarticulate... But I've matured ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  16. I've never been attracted to him purely because he is such a dunce. I can't deal with that. I need my guy as strong AND smart.

    Wear an old hat that you don't mind tossing if it gets too soggy. Don't bother with more clothes...wear less. Nothing baggy that will get heavy when wet. Put anti-chafe stuff EVERYWHERE. The rain makes it worse...not sure why.

    ReplyDelete
  17. If I loved ladies, I'd want to marry you. At least Ryan Gosling would have had some kind of weird and vague comments that leave you unsure if he is purposely trying to sound like a pretentious artsy douche or not. There would have been multiple sentences at minimum.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I think I am going to wear crops, a tank, homemade arm warmers, and a goodwill hat and windbreaker I found yesterday. I was hoping to find a really sweet neon windbreaker from the 90's but since those are like cool again, I had to settle for a very iridescent blue number. That way I can toss them if they get wet or I get hot or whatever. But I am from AZ and have no idea what I am talking about.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hahaha! Just the name Channing Tatum makes me angry. That's not a name! I guess I wouldn't kick him out of bed, but I agree wholeheartedly that "sexy" needs to include "intelligent"... or at least "can string together a coherent sentence." I like Joseph Gordon Levitt. Cutie. Pie.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Am I the only non - Channing lover? Don't get me wrong, for those I do love (Katy Perry, Blair Underwood, etc) intelligence is a non - issue, but he just doesn't do it for me. Let's not mock those who have two last names, or two first names for that matter. I will be forever loyal to JTT.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hilarious!

    As for Disqus- I'm not a fan. But then again I'm not one to follow threads on blogs, either.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Definitely a visor or hat for running in the rain.

    ReplyDelete
  23. AHAHAHA!! I love that I'm not the only who feels this way about our Sexiest Man Alive. I'm sorry, but I don't even find him very attractive, because his face just looks kind of...dumb. He is a dummy!

    Good luck on the race!! I hope the rain somehow magically disappears and it's all sunshine and happiness!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Definitely one of the most shallow actors on earth. But he's young, maybe he'll grow into some smarts? (Likely? No.)

    On running in the rain: definitely a hat or visor - no glasses. The glasses will alternately be streaked with rain or fogged and rendered useless. Then you are stuck carrying them or sticking them in your waistband/shirt/etc.

    Lots of Body Glide under the shorts, under the chest strap of your sports bra and on your feet - any place you think can/will get soaking wet. It may eventually wear off, but you will be glad you had the first coating.

    Compression shorts and long sleeved t-shirt if cold. The long sleeves will help keep the rain impact off you and you can always tie it around your waist if it gets too warm (or get a cheap-o throw-away one at the thrift store that you can bail on at an aid station.

    Good luck! Hope it holds off!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Seems like a visor for the rain is good - that way your face isn't covered in rain the entire way. I would probably vote for tights, seems like it's going to be cold out there. Also put on body glide in a lot of places, chafing with rain would be awful.

    For disqus - I like it for some sites because if someone responds to your comment you get an email back notifying you of this. But for running/athlete blogs I don't like it as much since you can't track what site the person commented from - and on running blogs I like to track back to the persons site if they comment. So that is why I like the current blogger setup. If I want to respond to someone's comment, I just leave a comment on their blog - that way they are sure to see it (since blogger is lame and people aren't notified via email if someone replies to their comment).

    ReplyDelete
  26. NAYYYYYY!! I hate change :(

    Also, he is an idiot. Thanks for the reminder.

    ReplyDelete
  27. "W-w-wait you made POTS in pottery class?" hahahaa poor Channing...or is it Tatum?!

    Visor with ear warmer headband on top. Keeps the visor to stay on in the wind and keeps the ears warm :) Did this a few (couple?) weeks ago during that crazy rainstorm we got here in nor cal. NO (loose) SHORTS. Holy hell, they stick to your legs and start riding up - at least in my experience. I think it depends how "heavy" the fabric is though. Anything tight/compression/close to the skin would be good, but a full tight may get uncomfortable? (Maybe...I just don't have any good full length running tights.)

    I'm going to wear capris and a trash bag poncho. I just bought a bib from someone...don't know why considering the weather, but I think it will make things more interesting!! So yeah...running for fun I suppose...as a man.

    Have an awesome race! I dig your blog btw, especially since you're somewhat local.

    -Kristina from Sac

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn. I realized I pulled a Channing right there. Earwarmers keep the ears warm?! Okay, but they also prevent the wind and rain from blowing into your ear canal, so your hearing won't get f*cked up. BUT if you're listening to music that's a nonissue.

      Delete
  28. I live in Oregon and always run in a hat - nothing worse than having the rain pelt your face/eyes. I ran the 2009 pdx marathon and it downpoured the entire race - wore a plastic bag to stay dry beforehand and for about 2.6 seconds of the race and then ditched it. Ran the rest in capris and short sleeved tech shirt - worked well.

    ReplyDelete
  29. YES, a guy has to have some smarts in order to be sexy. I might think a guy is hot, but if he opens his mouth and says something stupid, he suddenly annoys me. And I do not find annoying people to be sexy.

    As for CIM, I'm wearing shorts, tank/t-shirt, arm warmers and either a hat or a visor. I am a visor fan because it keeps the sweat from running into my eyes (speaking of sexy), and they don't blow off in the wind. I'm debating on the hat, though, because maybe the rain would roll off the top of it? And the hat I'm considering has a better rain brim. Maybe I'm over-thinking this?

    If you don't wear compression/tight-fitting bottoms, make sure you tie the drawstring securely, because the water will weigh them down. I guess if your shorts fall down, at least you'll be going fast enough that some spectators will miss the sight.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Hilarious. My husband's perspective: "I don't get Channing Tatum. I mean, whats the point of his existence?" I have no idea. And I can never remember if his name is Channing Tatum or Tatum Channing. Because, seriously, what kind of name is that?

    I don't have any advice for running in the rain, but I've read that less clothing is better. So I'm going to suggest...a bikini? :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. I just clicked over to your blog from Running Off The Reese's... and I agree that a man needs to be smart and I need to be able to have an intellectual conversation with him to really find him attractive. However I will not deny myself enjoying looking at Channing Tatum on a movie screen or magazine article. Judge all you want :) haha

    ReplyDelete
  32. Not to be a pain and I'm sure it is just a typo, but oh, the irony of "desparate." That was the first thing that caught my eye.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bravo to you, but I would never peg someone as stupid for a typo in a non-professional setting like this. That's far and away from the reason I am ribbing Sir Channing, who displays the personality of a dead fish during the opportunity to show the world who he is in a wide publication, and says "like" in every sentence.

      Delete
  33. I ran 8 miles of a relay leg in a downpour, running through puddles and being totally soaked. It was during the night so it was pretty cold too. I was wearing spandex shorts and a polyester, tighter-fitting running top and that really worked great. I would recommend tighter fitting clothing, but I've never had any chafing issues. My feet were totally soaked but I didn't get any blisters; it was only 8 miles though. Good luck in your race and finding something to wear. I saw Tatum Channing (I am SO not into anything celebrity) on Ellen and he was awful. So was his wife.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Sexiest man alive. Channing Tatum? Never. It's Idris Elba, Daniel Craig. Or my husband.

    ReplyDelete
  35. I always find myself in fits of mocking laughter when I see headlines like "sexiest man alive" - a vote poll for something so personal, so subjective, and so undefinable!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It actually used to
    be a entertainment account it. Glance advanced to far introduced agreeable from you!
    However, how can we keep in touch?

    my web-site :: Coconut Oil For Hair

    ReplyDelete

we have a strict no-word-verification policy. Comment away!