Wednesday, December 26, 2012

The Non-Proposal

I have been looking forward to writing this post for over one year, but then when it came down to it this past week, I fell into a passive mood and I didn't want to put in the required effort to make this worthwhile.

I'm forcing it out of me. Please bear with this terribly indulgent post, that is entirely about me and my personal non-running life.  But it's high time I share it with you!

The short version:

I got married!  One year ago!  And didn't tell anyone...not family, not friends (until one of my best most intuitive friends guessed that we had!), not the internet. I think this is called eloping?

Well, I kind of told you...there were hints here and there.  I apparently referenced my "father-in-law" once on the blog which someone picked up on.  When we eloped, on our 4 year anniversary of dating last year, I alluded to the fact that we did something exciting that day.

And I'm sure many of you had no freaking clue that we weren't already married, since I call him "the Gentleman" instead of, say, "the boyfriend" or "the husband", etc.  But if you have been reading since the beginning, or know me in real life, you know that he was my live-in boyfriend when I started the blog.

The long version:

Begins in August, 2007....

I met the Gentleman on the very first day of law school.  It was his 29th birthday.  I was 23.  I was going to get dinner with my mom and grandpa that evening.  But instead I learned my grandfather had gone to sleep the night before and despite being in good health, never woke up.

It was a terrible first day of law school.  Meeting the Gentleman was the least memorable part about it.

But, I remember him perfectly.  He had some pieces of grey hair...I didn't have any friends with grey hair.  He had a green sweater on.  He had been a high school teacher for four years.  All of a sudden I was hot for teacher.

Over the course of a semester, we went to happy hours together with our Legal Writing and Research class, went to lunch with friends, went on a hike with a friend, and finally, in December, 2007, went on our first date alone.  Just the two of us.  Finals had just finished, and we realized that with classes out and flirty studying-emails no longer called for, we missed each other.

When classes started up again in January, we were all in.  Law school never really sucked again after that first semester.  He was the best study partner, the best classmate, and just.....the best.

First Valentine's day...
January 2008.  We look so little!

6 months

Getting juris-doctored

It sounds so ridiculous to say that when you know, you KNOW, but I knew.  After years of thinking that I just "loved being independent" and "loved being single," it turned out that actually I just had "only dated people who were not that great."  This was the first time that I didn't find myself making excuses or avoiding phone calls in order to escape a 2nd, 3rd, 4th date with some guy.

And so, within two months of dating, I remember that we both knew and both revealed that we would be together forrrevvverrrrr.  mwuuuuhahaha.

The point of all that is to explain why we were never engaged.  Why there was no proposal.  From the two month point, we had already reached that agreement.  I moved out of San Francisco and into his rockin Oakland pad before our second year of law school began, and then we let the months tick by, life getting better and better, occasionally discussing getting married, but, for two secular people who don't need a stamp from the government to feel committed, we didn't really care when or how it happened.

I should also mention that the notion of a proposal makes me feel sick.  This and this is probably some women's dream, but I'm not even kidding, that is my worst nightmare (although the second link is so, SO adorable).  I hate the spotlight (yeah yeah, I have a blog, I MUST LOVE IT), I hate the idea of walking down an aisle while people look at me, I hate the idea of asking people to travel for me, so I can act like a fairy tale princess (wedding dresses are SO FUNNY, right?  They are PRINCESS dresses, it is so funny).

But, ultimately, even though I escaped the proposal and for one single year escaped any attention on our marriage (which is really only ours, nor yours, not others), there will be something.  Some wedding.  Some time in 2013.


Wet hair, spontaneous drive to get our marriage certificate 12/21/11
We hate all of the pictures from the day we eloped.  Ugh!  We needed a witness, and after my co-worker bailed and we couldn't get a hold of two of our local friends with a last minute phone call, we asked the kid who worked at the cafe in the lobby to be our witness.  He also took pictures.

The first thing we said to the...officiant? whatever she was? was that we didn't want anything formal, we didn't want to have to say anything sappy, we didn't want to hold hands and kiss and all that.

And somehow that is exactly what she made us do! It was pretty dorky. Which you can probably sense from the photos.

And the decorations....oh my.  Oh my oh my.  Yeah, I hate these pictures.  But now they shall see the light of day.


Why is she making us do this...



Pretending to really be feeling the moment

We are not solemn here.  We are actually just confused. 

Yay, we can finally stop following weird instructions!

On our way out.  Success!

The reasons for why we woke up on our fourth anniversary and headed off to the Oakland Court Recorder's office to make it official are many, and simple.  All you need to know is that we just did it.  We talked about doing it for over a year, and one day we just did it.  We finally started saving $140/month because I jumped onto his work health insurance plan.

And then everything stayed the same.  Except we could occasionally call each other "wife" or "husband" and enjoy that it was just for us.

I keep hearing that everybody knows someone who has privately married this way, so surely it's not that crazy, but some people have definitely made us feel crazy.  It was a surprise to me to learn that people I thought I knew well suddenly craved tradition and lacked an understanding for why we purposely did NOT want to celebrate that day with other people.

We are now ready to celebrate, and so we have begun to share the news.  "Congratulations one year ago!!" is not the right reaction.  The celebration is NOW, not one year ago.  The announcement is now, not one year ago.  One year ago...not much really happened.   Except the state of California received notice that we are committed to each other.

So merry Christmas and no more secrets!

99 comments:

  1. Love this story.... I also love men with flecks of gray hair... You guys seem so happy together!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. You guys are so adorable. I agree with you on ridiculous public proposals...no thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Love this. Love that you went with wet hair lol.

    I relate to you so much it is scary. Every time you write a post I think this. Except - I am still in the 'never going to get married stage' ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was in that stage for years, and I was very happy! Keep on rocking my twin

      Delete
  4. I love when people do what they want their way,this is one of those stories that gives me hope that people actually get married for the right reasons. I hated being engaged, I thought it was such a stupid time in my life calling someone my fiance, people feeling a need to ask me about wedding planning. We very seriously considered eloping but knew it would hurt some family members' feelings for them to not be there, I ended up loving my wedding and enjoyed planning it. Anyway Congratulations, you guys look like a great couple.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. engagements do seem to have the potential to be awkward. It's a limbo stage! And whenever I hear the word "fiance" I think "beyonce". Silly words all around.

      Delete
  5. This is hilarious, and I love it, and who cares what the other people think. This is the cutest EVER.

    And that shirt makes your boobs look fantastic.

    CONGRATULATIONS!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for noticing my boobs! And for the other nice words!

      Delete
    2. I agree about the boobs! ;-)

      Delete
    3. I had to go back and check the boobs out... yes.

      Delete
  6. I was secretly married for about 9 mos...I got married at the courthouse and nobody we know was there. We did have a "celebration" months later with family and friends but for the REAL wedding nobody was there and nobody actually know the real date we did it either.

    congrats to you both! the important thing is to be HAPPY.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No way!!? Sounds very similar. Did you keep it a secret even during the celebration?

      Delete
  7. I love this! Congratulations! I think it's great to celebrate YOUR marriage the way YOU want. So many people feel pressured into wedding traditions that make them uncomfortable. My husband proposed in the middle of a trail run, and we got married 5 weeks later. Our "wedding" was a flash-mob style ceremony at the top of the art museum steps with my sister as the officiant, followed by dinner with our families and then drinks with our friends at a local bar with good beer on tap. It was spontaneous, unorganized, and exactly what we both wanted! How did your family react to the news?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your wedding sounds so wonderful, fun, memorable, and suited for you!

      My family was very happy at first, but within minutes, all except my hippie youngest sister voiced some unhappiness about feeling we had actively kept a secret and excluded them...it's very hard to convince them it was never about excluding anyone, but rather, waiting to include everyone when we were ready. I can see how some might find this a selfish decision, but we really never imagined the timing of the announcement and celebration would be so significant to others....nor did we think such happy news could be turned sour!

      Delete
  8. My gawd what an awesome story, and congratulations! I'm really in love with the whole eloping idea. And proposals make me want to vomit. Really?! Should spending the rest of your life with someone be a surprise decision (usually Made around the cliche Christmas- valentines day?)

    Wish you and your man many many more years of happiness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I never thought I would be one to "elope" and stupid as it sounds I didn't even think of the word when we did it. That's such a funny take on proposals...can you imagine if you had to choose whether to be a parent in a moment of surprise announcement: 'PREGNANT- YES OR NO, WHAT'S IT GONNA BE!?"

      Delete
  9. this is way awesome. so is the decor in the court house. congrats!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Congratulations and way to buck tradition. I wish you both a lifetime of love and happiness. I hope that's not too sappy for you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Ok, that second last photo. It looks he's about to grab your boobs. I can see why you haven't shared them with anybody so far.

    Now that I've got that out of my system, Big Congrats for doing it YOUR way and not falling into the wedding industry trap of spending a ton of money. We got married in our house. Only part of our families and our very closest friends. My "best man" never showed up and just as well considering what he had been doing just before the wedding a few blocks from here. I rounded up one of the guys at the wedding and all turned out well. My wife figures we spent $500 absolute tops, and much of that was for food. Linda's wedding ring was a family heirloom, and it was 4 or 5 years later I started wearing a ring. I worked with my hands and wearing a ring would be bad news. A couple years after that I got her a matching band.

    Hope you have many more!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How fantastic! No way can I keep it under $500, although that would be awesome....we're thinking of renting out a group camp site, and I think it will cost around that for 2-3 nights.

      He was reaching for my boobs. I made him wait until we were married to give it a go ;) patient man.

      Delete
  12. Aww... it's unconventional but still extremely sweet. Congratulations to the both of you!!! :)))

    ReplyDelete
  13. In the end, marriage is something that the catholic church made up, and the US tax policy followed along with it when they were shaping tax policy when the tax code was invented in 1913 in this country. People don't need a piece of paper that says they are together if they don't want to. I enjoy going to weddings to see everyone there, and am not saying weddings or getting married is good or bad. Getting married and then getting divorced does make things way more complicated than if 2 people hadn't gotten married. So in the end, I have no idea what my future holds for me.

    You are unconventional, and so this doesn't surprise me at all - good stuff!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Congratulations! That's awesome! You guys are goddamn adorable.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Love this story. I am getting married this spring...and yes, I am excited about it, but I kind of have similar opinions as you. The whole wedding industry is WAY out of control. Seriously. When my friend said she spent months trying to figure out the right custom made invitation, I was shocked. I seriously would be content doing an Evite for our wedding! For the first several months after we got engaged, people kept asking, "omg, have you picked your dress out yet?" Me: "nope." Other people: "Ooooh, well, surely you've thought about it...what style do you want?" Me: "I have no idea." Awkward silence. "Ohh."

    I'm excited to be surrounded by family and friends for our wedding, but I could care less about the details, and like you, I feel guilty about having people travel to Chicago. Anyway, what matters is the commitment you two share together. No fancy wedding can create that. Congrats!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stationary companies must be so happy that Evites still are not proper for weddings...I'll have to swap low-key ideas with you since our celebration will be shortly after yours! Congratulations!

      Delete
    2. Ha! We sent a facebook invite to ours. I think that's even worse than an Evite!

      Delete
    3. Jumping in on the invite discussion to add: we bought 1 box from target for $30, and printed them at home, and there are cheaper ones to be found at Michael's. That was to assuage anyone who would have been appalled by the paperlesspost.com invites we sent to our computer savvy and local friends. I could not even think about paying more than that for a paper product.

      Delete
    4. Sounds affordable-ish. And hey, sounds like e-mail invites are kind of acceptable! Maybe for the save the date?

      Delete
  16. Well, I'm just about the only person who hadn't realised you weren't married already anyway!

    I think it's more romantic getting married the way that you did than fussing over dresses and material things but that's just me. I can understand wanting a non-traditional approach, because if I had a wedding I wouldn't want the attention either, or the whole big family gathering thing. Good job most of my family is estranged from one another :P No-one would approve of my ideal wedding, which would involve everyone dressed in black/gothic clothing and have Whitby Abbey as the location (Dracula landed there!) All hypothetical though - I don't see me ever finding someone to put up with me and Lord knows I don't have the looks to compensate for my lack of personality.

    I absolutely agree that when you know, you KNOW. And the pics of you might be awkward but they're so sweet, and not staged/forced/contrived like all of those tacky engagement photos you see on some blogs. I think your relationship seems so genuine and massive congrats to you guys. All the best for the future!

    xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can't wait for you to meet the right person so I can see all the pictures of this awesome gothic wedding. It sounds unique and beautiful!

      Delete
  17. The celebration is each and every day! This is lovely! Thanks so much for blowing your cover :)

    We got married in my cousin's house in Oakland. But I did have a princess dress. I didn't care if it wasn't really appropriate for a little 'house' wedding...I did it anyway.

    Totally agree about KNOWING. Not everyone experiences it...we are the lucky ones ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I need to see this princess dress!

      Delete
    2. I would wear it to a run meet-up but I love it too much. You will have to come to my house to see it.

      Delete
  18. I can't believe you both could keep such excitement a secret for soooo long! Happy anniversary! I hope your families don't kill you for (i) eloping and (ii) not telling any one for a year! ;) Kristen

    ReplyDelete
  19. Well now I have this big goofy grin on my face. Congratulations on your wedding, what a wonderful story and happy anniversary too! A double whammy of loveliness.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I am so happy for you guys! You seem like such a ...correctly fitted couple :). And yeah that shirt is definitely good for the boobs. Hot mama.

    So my brother and sister in law actually eloped (in Korea!!!). We're not super traditional but when they called me to tell me, I was actually kind of sad that I didn't get to see them married and be part of it (I never told them this I don't think). They ended up having a reception a year later or so to celebrate with all their friends. Not that you need to do this (everyone is different), but I was really happy to be able to celebrate with them, so you could consider having a party or just a night out with family / friends if it feels right for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww, your brother's story is sweet and I'm glad to have your perspective. I've tried to put myself in my family's shoes and I can understand how they might feel like they missed out, but it makes me sad because they don't listen when I try to explain that they didn't miss the celebration aspect, and that part will still come. There will be a celebration! We're ready for that part now, but for years we were not.

      Thanks for the boob love!

      Delete
  21. My brother and his wife did the exact same thing. Got married just the two of them then a year later decided they wanted to have a party to celebrate. I say good for you! It's what marriage should be about- just the two of you and your love... not all the hoopla that comes along with weddings now. Congrats!

    ReplyDelete
  22. This is awesome. Big congrats to you! And think of all the money you saved on not having a wedding! You guys are the smartest couple ever.

    And big fist bump for husbands with prematurely gray hair! Love it. Mine is 31 and half gray, and I think it's awesome.

    I have know quite a lot of people who secretly eloped and then had a wedding or celebration later. My husband is military, so a lot of couples will elope to get the benefits and access to information, and then have the wedding later.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Men can make grey look so hot. Stupid double standard, but so far I'm benefitting from it so yay!

      Delete
  23. Awwww congratulations!!! That is so fantastic! And you aren't weird, my parents did the same thing. Took a lunch break, got married, went back to work and never said a word for months and months.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Your parents are awesome. We took the day off work, instead of a lunch break, so they win ;)

      Delete
  24. Yeah, I actually didn't know that you weren't married because I'm not very good at being your internet stalker. But I fucking heart this. I might even puffy PINK heart it. Yeah, I said it.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I love this!
    I am just like you in not liking people to be all up in my stuff - no staring at me while I walk down the aisle, no listening to him and I gush about our feelings, no me-me-me day. We did have a wedding but it was low key - parents and siblings mostly - and even that was super awkward to stand up there and say vows!

    I truly loved planning our wedding but quite frankly, I could have done without the actual ceremony!

    Congrats, happy anniversary! :)

    ReplyDelete
  26. Wow, for a blogger you sure know how to keep a secret. Congratulations to you and the Gentleman. The insurance thing seems like a nice perk. I did a big Catholic wedding a few months ago and adding him to my insurance felt the most "whoa, I'm married now."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The first time I think I called him my husband publicly was to my dentist to inform her of my new insurer. That was a "whoa" moment for me!

      Delete
  27. Congrats! And more impressively, congrats on keeping it a secret! My fiance and I got engaged 2 months ago and in less than 2 weeks, we're going to the courthouse for our "ceremony." I am all about a "no-thrills" type of day. I hired a photographer, but other than that, our wedding will be inexpensive and exactly what we want; not what family members expect or want!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. right on. Congratulations to you both, a January wedding sounds cozy!

      Delete
  28. Such a sweet post! Congratulations!

    We did almost the same thing, except we invited our parents. And everyone made us feel like we were crazy. Some reactions were downright hurtful. I hope that wasn't the case for you. Everyone deserves to have their special daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, but that means different things for different people.

    We planned to have a party the year later as well, but we are coming up on five years in March and it still hasn't happened.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha, the 5+year thing would definitely happen to me if it wasn't for the ambition of my husband. I'm a procrastinator by all accounts. I think you should still have yours! Maybe as a 10-year renewal kind of thing...?

      Delete
  29. Awww, you guys are cute despite the awkward "now hold hands and repeat after me" photo. I like the way you did it on your own terms without bowing to stereotypical norms, because if every single woman on the planet got married in a white poofy dress, there would be EVEN MORE white poofy dresses out there collecting dust and mildew.

    Congratulations!

    ReplyDelete
  30. How dare you not want to prove your commitment to each other in a way that society demands!

    Congrats on finding the person you enjoy being with. That's the important part of this.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I girly-squealed when I saw this on Facebook. So, so cool of you guys. CONGRATULATIONS & best wishes for the coolest couple.

    And no, I don't know anyone else who has done something like this at all. I'm surrounded by BRIDES!!!!! Lots of engaged friends right now, doing the big big wedding thing. Which is great, they're happy, you know, all that jazz. But I love that you guys made it about the marriage and the commitment — not the dress, the ring and the flash. Love and respect, RR. And I second the comments about the good boobs shirt. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank goodness for the crazies who love the BIG wedding thing, because I love being invited to them! Thanks for being so cute and squealy and supportive Ali!

      Delete
  32. What an awesome post. You just get cooler and cooler, RR. Congrats on a successful first year and many more to come! And glad I wasn't the only one who instantly thought about how great your boobs look in that shirt.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw, thank you. From one cool person to another.

      Delete
  33. Congrats! So cool that you kept it a secret for so long. And who says that you have to be conventional? I married someone from a different culture and our wedding was a mesh of two totally different worlds collided. But, you know what? We loved it.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Happy one year anniversary! That is so awesome and so cool you did it YOUR way!

    My husband and I were in Las Vegas five months before our wedding. While we had the big traditional wedding already planned we talked about secretly getting married in Vegas and having it as our little secret. I guess we liked the idea of having something special just between us.

    Congratulations and I hope you have a wonderful time celebrating with family and friends!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Aww this is the sweetest thing I've read in a long time :) My now-husband and I knew pretty quickly that we wanted to be together forever, it was just a matter of when it made sense to make it official. He decided to enlist in the Navy, and that is one of the few instances where it really DOES matter if you're married or not, so there was no proposal, just an agreement that we would start planning a wedding. The day after we made that agreement, I was like, "so does this mean we're engaged?"

    ReplyDelete
  36. Now I know another reason why I like you. My friends had all these sweet engagement stories & really, we just talked about it & knew without the 'one knee' thing etc. I thought I was weird all these years. This is how we still do things - by talking about it & doing our own thing.

    I wish you a long & happy married life. You're off to a great start. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I'm glad you don't care what others think. I think people need to keep their opinions about 'shoulds' to themselves. We need more individuality in this world.

      Delete
    2. your guy got off lucky too :) the "one knee" thing seems scary as shit, and kind of unfair for a modern guy to have to pretend he is a prince to appease the expectations of the person who he should supposedly be most comfortable around. (I'm sure, sometimes, it is very sweet).

      Delete
  37. Happy Anniversary!

    But, aren't you sad you didn't do a 5K wearing a tiara and veil???

    ReplyDelete
  38. I'm so with you there... all the traditional marriage stuff gives me anxiety. Glad you did things your way! Wishing you a life of happiness and all that cheesy stuff! & Happy Holidays too!

    ReplyDelete
  39. DUDE. I totally remember seeing the father-in-law reference on your blog. I even re-read it a few times and kind of questioned it, but shrugged it off as a commonlaw thing. BAH. To think I could have been the one to spill your secret all over the Internet!

    But still. I love it.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Congratulations and I'm happy for you! I totally would have eloped if the hubby would have let me, but he has this gigantic Catholic family that insists on being fed and boozed up every time a family member gets married, so we had to do the wedding thing.
    And as to "When you know, you know" - this is very true. For my husband and I it was 3 months after meeting. One day - separately - we both thought the exact same thing (something along the lines of, "I'm going to marry that one!") and the next week had the courage to bring it up in conversation! Two years later when we got engaged it was anticlimactic: we'd been engaged in our minds since that December day years ago.
    You two look cute in your pictures, awkward trellis or no.

    ReplyDelete
  41. I'm so excited you shared this. I know I've told you this, but I love that you guys did your own thing. And all those pictures are so precious.

    ReplyDelete
  42. i cant believe you were able to keep it a secret for so long! im impressed! i such at secret keeping. i would have cracked the second i saw a friend. or stranger on the street. :)

    ps congrats!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was only hard to keep it a secret on ONE occasion, when we were talking to my sister about her engagement/wedding ring. I really wanted to spill but the timing was all wrong. You sound like the Kristen Wiig character on SNL that can't contain secrets....which makes you pretty adorable

      Delete
  43. I recall that when I first started reading your blog, you replied to a comment I had written by mentioning that you were engaged (or going to marry, I guess that was the wording) your law school sweetheart too. I had a little bit of a guess that this might be the news. Super belated congratulations. I think eloping is awesome. My wedding was a total circus and wasn't really for us anyway.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, I was dropping hints everywhere! I think at that point I had no idea we would do it privately, and then not tell for so long....it all just kinda happened that way without planning it out.

      Delete
  44. Happy anniversary and congrats!! This post just blew me away! I am horrible at keeping secrets so I am super impressed you managed! I was in one of my best friend's weddings and when we were all ready to go to the ceremony she told me she needed help with her lipstick and pulled me into the bathroom and told me she'd already been married for like a year and a half and no one at the wedding knew and both their parents/families still don't! Literally as soon as she finished telling me someone started pounding on the door saying the photographer was there so I couldn't even ask a single question! So you are not the only one I know. We had a pretty traditional wedding and I loved it but I still don't really understand what chair linens are (didn't have them) and our first dance was to Soulja Boy so I like to pretend I am a little bit cool and un-bridezilla like.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. your friend takes the cake! Secret forever!

      Delete
  45. I know you wrote this almost a week ago but I was out of town and my iphone never lets me comment on your blog anymore..I don't understand why :( Just wanted to let you know my heart swelled when I read this. Happy Anniversary and Congrats for doing your marriage YOUR way. What an amazingly beautiful story you'll have close to your heart forever. The love in both your eyes in the pictures is so clear. I'm a huge sap so things like this make me ridiculously happy. Love love love it. Thanks for sharing this with us!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Late messages are just as sweet...

      Delete
  46. You're awesome! I love it. Happy anniversary, belated. And happy new year! :)

    ReplyDelete
  47. Happy Anniversary (and yeah, I'm late)! Here's to many more years of doing what's right for you :)

    ReplyDelete
  48. A little late to the party, but happy anniversary! I remember thinking this was very sweet when I first read about it on facebook, and now that I've gotten the whole story, it's even sweeter! Good for you guys for doing it your way. It sucks that people close to you were offended/hurt about the secret, but hopefully they'll come around soon. Congrats!

    ReplyDelete
  49. I don't think this is crazy and frankly, I thought I was the only one who lacked the "OMG ENGAGEMENT SQUEEEEE" gene. Because really, wtf is with that shit? Not only is it patriarchal and outdated, its just...so...trite.

    So I did the secret marriage thing, though for some reason I sort of assumed you were married? (No idea why.) If I ever found a compelling reason to do this (don't see it happening), I'd probably try and avoid ever telling anyone. seems more fun that way. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. DIG, not did. Oy. NOT married. (25+ more years of student loans is a HUGE reason to keep it that way)

      Delete
    2. we just smooshed both of our loans together. Digging out of debt together is so romantic!

      Delete
  50. You would make an excellent spy.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Your story is so sweet. Love makes you do crazy things that sometimes only make sense to you, and it will be an amazing story to shake with your kids some day. Cheers to you guys and to many more happy years together.

    And, yes wedding dresses are ugly and you'll feel like a poofy asshole in one. But, you are going to look amazingly gorgeous anyways.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Yay! I'm so glad it's out there for all the world to know. And I feel pretty smug being the one who figured it out ;) I looooved seeing all those pictures of you guys too! You look like babies in some of them! Haha

    ReplyDelete
  53. Wow I actually no idea (blogging stalking fail). Good for you for doing it exactly how you wanted. I was reading an article recently about the pressures of what people feel they should do..should get married...stay engaged for a while..prance down an aisle...if that isn't for you...then it's not. It's all about your day.

    ReplyDelete
  54. OMG I love hairless face on Jonathan, he looks so cute......And love those pix at the courthouse. That's the third Connell to get married that way starting with dad and I, and all feeling dopey listening to the judge(in my case) try to make it as romantic and serious as can be when all we wanted was that piece of paper....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YOU JUST TOLD THE INTERNET MY LAST NAME MOM. It's okay, you are the best person in the world. Thanks for being kind of okay about it all!

      Delete
    2. DANG IT you also told everyone the Gentleman's name. lololololololololol

      Delete
  55. Hey - what an awesome story! Happy anniversary!

    ReplyDelete
  56. Though now they just need to get rid of the marriage penalty.

    ReplyDelete

we have a strict no-word-verification policy. Comment away!