Friday, March 1, 2013

Things to make you laugh

1) fun time number one

If you have an iphone 5, or any other device that will type out whatever words you speak to it, here is a fun game that will guarantee to kill some time and make you laugh.

I turn the Siri microphone on and say whatever I can that is not real words.  I just mumble nothings.  You could probably try another language.  And then I wait to see what Siri thinks I have said.  Examples of Siri's interpretations:


  • You know whoever says no comment is Llewllin Shirley did Herman Crommell Bromlett
  • Where is the night Mankin Melina will do Grill Carmel and the machine Laurent

Beautiful poetry.  I love these.  Thank you Siri!

Me and Siri are best friends.  Hanging out in the ladies room like two fine ladies having a real good time. 


2) My wedding save the date.



Hey-ooo, come to our "we've already been married for over a year" wedding

Leila made this for me.  And since she's running Napa this weekend, I'm bringing her the reward of Sees lollipops.  Carrying them the whole time for you.  It's better than Gu.


3) Did you hear the one about Oscar Pistorius?

He was arrested for murder, and then me, the Gentleman, and my sister went on a bad joke rampage (inspired by pathetic news headlines).













There's more where that came from.

Don't mind the lipstick interruption.


4)  You've been watching the Bachelor, RIGHT???

Well then you know that this past week's episode was the overnight suite episode, aka the week where the Bachelor gets laid 3 times after having to kiss a bunch of crazies for ten weeks, aka the week where the Bachelor pretends he is totally just going to talk all night, AKA the week when THE letter from Chris Harrison gets handed to the lady contender at dinner.

The Gentleman decided to re-enact the scene.

oh, this looks sweet.  A nice letter.  What is inside?


Oh dear.

[Please don't be offended by the penis drawing.  This was not an actual proposal you are witnessing; you are witnessing us making fun of Sean, the Bachelor].

5) Did you hear about the best way to share pictures of clothing or pretty beaches and pools with the world?

By posting your naked skin on the internet!

Hey guys, just wanted to show you a picture of the pool
Hey guys, just wanted to show you my new belt

Sorry internet strangers with hot bodies for making you seem stupid.  I don't know if you are or not.

6) The best way to get free shit is to be mean first.

Right over here, just a couple weeks ago, I said, and I quote, "Chobani hasn't sent me any free shit.  I recommend this Fruyo stuff from Fage instead, eat that, Chobani."

Ahem, I said. "eat that, Chobani."

And then Chobani sent me a bunch of free shit.

Like, an unfair amount of yogurt.  Unfair because I'm not a food blogger, and because I just poked fun at their free-stuff-for-bloggers tradition.

Hey, whatre they tryin to do here, eh? Make me look like a punk!?

No pictures for you because you know what it looks like, but no really, A TON of yogurt arrived here.

Chobani, to you I tip my hat and say: touche.  Touche.  Way to kill them with kindness. 

AND WITH THAT

The humor portion of the segment is over.  You know where I'll be this weekend.  NAPA VALLEY MARATHON.  I'm excited.  Game is on.  I'm showing up, and I'm begging that shoulder, buttcrease, and foot problems DON'T show up.  And wind.  The wind can stay home too.

(I just did some researching and it turns out that no headphones are allowed, and Napa takes this SERIOUSLY.  Can anyone confirm? I'm pretty sure I wore them no problem in 2010.  That invites a whole new level of boredom to the never-ending vineyards and seldom cheerleaders.)

(I also just did some more researching and everybody is complaining about how the road is slanted and curvy and it's hard to find an even surface to run on.  What's the solution to this? Run on the center line?)

If you are running in Napa this weekend, run your heart out, and don't forget say hi!  

23 comments:

  1. THAT IS SO FUCKED UP!!!! I was the one who got you started on the Chobani thing. I was the one who coined the twitter hashtag #freeshit. I have had my blog for 2 months now and still NO FREE SHIT. WTF????

    You better fucking share that free shit.

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    1. Oh, and you know I love that drawing. That man of yours is very artistic. When you guys have kids, he should start a daddy blog and include crafts.

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  2. you are the best Roserunner - lol at all of this!

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  3. Ah, okay, I'm sitting in my bath in Napa (yes, I'm running too) and you have me laughing. Loved this post. Glad I made my way here. Nice on the free shit. Best of luck on Sunday!

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  4. Yes, what is up with the naked shots? They are ev...ery....where.

    Go you on the Chobani. Keep hating and see if you can get a new car.

    Yes, run on the center line! I hate slanted roads. They will mess with your hips after a few miles. Have an awesome race!!

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  5. I cannot believe Chobani sent you free yogurt. That is hilarious. If I liked yogurt I'd post that Chobani wouldn't help my grandmother across the street.
    Good luck - can't wait to read the race recap!

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  6. Thanks for the laughs - this was a hilarious post. Good luck in the marathon!

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  7. This is hilarious, thanks for making my morning a little more funny!

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  8. you know whats even better than chobani? get ready for this...i'm about to change your world and blow your mind. Noosa, New Zealand goodness. hate chobani, hate fage, hate dannon, and all pretty much every other brand of yogurt because they all taste fake and make me think i'm eating a mouth full of creamy chemicals. once you go noosa, you'll never go back. promise.

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  9. There is too much going on in this post that my mind just exploded. My trivial blogger head can't handle all of this honesty ;)

    Have a great race this weekend!

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  10. I LOL'd my way through this post. BTW, didn't you hear? The bachelor Sean is a "born-again virgin." So I don't think there was any P in V action in the fantasy suites. Sorry to burst your bubble.
    Have a great race!

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  11. I saw this post on the Onion before I heard what happened and was like, "ehhh?" Then when I heard the news, I loled and loled.

    http://www.theonion.com/articles/double-amputee-proves-he-is-capable-of-anything,31299/

    Have a great race.

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  12. Good luck. And, yes I think you run on the center line.

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  13. Good luck this weekend! I love the Oscar P jokes. Someone at work said something about his arrest and I said something like "his case doesn't have a leg to stand on" and was met with slightly disgusted stares. Oops.


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  14. Try to run the center line- my ankles start aching after 10 or so miles on a slant.
    Chobani?? That is awesome. What are you going to do with all of it??? I recommend the easiest [laziest] fruit dip: 1 part yogurt + 1 part whipped cream mixed together. My family goes nuts over it.

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  15. i wish we could see each other in person more! wow. You make me laugh. I would like you to take a picture eating your new yogurt though. :)
    Good luck, I am missing Napa more and more each day.

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  16. haha. love the "look at the pool" aka look at how hot I am picture. Seems like a very familiar shot to me ; )

    Enjoy your yogurt and kick some ass in Napa!

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  17. Hilarious post, and I hope you had an amazing run today! I wish I'd seen you - See's sound much tastier than gu's :). Napa was a wonderful recommendation. I've never seen a prettier course!

    I'll be borrowing the boyfriend's iPhone to mess with Siri next.

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  18. Hilarious post is hilarious. Tots LOL'd at The Gentleman's note.

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  19. I'm trying to wade through my unread email which is why I am three days behind everyone else in saying this was hilarious, and more please.

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  20. That penis drawing is awesome. Makes me think of Superbad which then makes me think that I need to watch Superbad again.

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  21. Mmmm Chobani. Love the penis drawing. And you and your sisters are hilarious.

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